


Musicality of Life

by ambaila



Category: Suits (US TV)
Genre: AU, F/M, Post canon, Song Challenge
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:35:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 23,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25292521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ambaila/pseuds/ambaila
Summary: Music is embedded in life moments. It defines us. It defines them.
Relationships: Donna Paulsen/Harvey Specter
Comments: 6
Kudos: 30





	1. Red Headed Woman - Bruce Springsteen

**Author's Note:**

> Literally, a series of one shots that may or may not have anything to do with each other. 30 day song challenge.

Harvey had gone to the Pike Place Market for some light groceries. He needed to pick up a few things for dinner and the weather was nice. Humid, but a comfortable seventy-four degrees. Donna had given him a list of things to buy in addition to the things he wanted to pick up. Mainly it was tea and breakfast items that she liked to snack on.

He nodded at the door man to their building and took the elevator up to their unit. They lived on the sixteenth floor which provided them a gorgeous view of Seattle. Donna had surprised him with the building, which was sandwiched between an art gallery and a restaurant, saying she had an apartment she wanted him to look at. They met the realtor in the lobby of the building and the woman showed him the space.

Harvey didn’t know it at the time, but Donna had spent quality time emailing the realtor back and forth, finalizing their tour while they were on the plane. Later, Donna had showed him the pictures that she fell in love with. Her reasoning for this apartment, despite the convenience to their new firm which was within walking distance, was the view.

It didn’t matter what balcony they stepped out onto; they had the view of Seattle before them. Mount Rainer was one way, waterfront views from the other, a Ferris wheel not too far off. Donna wanted him to feel at home in Seattle and the one thing she could do was give him this. A view that reminded them of New York.

Harvey stepped into their home, listening to the music that wafted through the apartment. He was usually met with classical music or showtunes that she had isolated to the kitchen. This was louder than just the kitchen, despite the room being right there.

He dumped the groceries on the counter and went in search for his wife. He found her quickly. She was seated on the floor, her back against the couch and their son bouncing on her legs. He was laughing, giggling with drool as Donna lifted him into the air. As her head tilted back, her eyes fell on Harvey.

Ellis was born in the middle of the night. Donna had nearly missed the window to have a hospital birth; the doctor was not pleased to find Donna ready to go upon first check. He screamed his way into the world and then went quiet. It alerted the doctors, which alerted his parents, and Donna’s blood pressure spiked.

Nothing was wrong. He just had two volumes. Loud or quiet. As he got older, nearly a year now, he found his middle.

“Hey,” Harvey smiled. “What are you guys up to?”

Donna let Ellis stand next to her, leaning against the couch. His new favorite thing was to show off the strength of his legs and arms. They found, after hearing something break in his room, Ellis standing in his crib one-night bouncing. What broke, Harvey didn’t know, he had come in behind Donna who was already standing back up.

“We’re listening to the Boss,” Donna said, tilting her head at the player. “He likes the rhythm.”

Harvey sunk to the floor, joining her and Ellis. When the boy reached for Harvey, effortlessly, Harvey tossed him in the air, earning a very loud and surprised giggle.

Donna hated when Harvey would do that when Ellis was younger. He’d toss the kid up a few inches, earning a shrill sound and a gummy grin.

Donna reached over to sweep the dark locks away from Ellis’ eyes and let her hand fall on Harvey’s leg.

“How was the market?”

“Not too bad,” Harvey shrugged. “Not real busy.”

Donna nodded and tilted her head back, letting it roll to the side. They sat in comfortable silence while Ellis used Harvey’s legs as small jump pads. It wasn’t until Harvey started to laugh that Donna turned back to him.

“What?”

“Have you listened to this song?”

Silence fell over them, allowing Donna to listen to the words.

She smirked and let her head fall back, stretching out her legs in front of her. She let her foot move to the beat of the song, her fingers tapping the same against his leg. The more she listened, the wider the smirk got against her lips.

“Don’t give me that look,” she said to Harvey, her eyes still closed.

“You don’t even know –“

She opened her eyes and leveled him an amused glare. “This song is your anthem, sir.”

Harvey opened his mouth and turned his attention to his son who was still bouncing. “Mommy is being mean.”

“Mommy,” Donna said, lifting herself up from the couch. “Is being truthful.”

Harvey passed Ellis off to get up and just before Donna cleared the room, Harvey wrapped an arm around her waist. He pulled her back to him; Ellis was looking at Harvey over her shoulder. Harvey swayed with them to the beat of the song, ultimately letting go when the quick guitar licks concluded, and the applause of the live audience faded away.

Harvey liked, no, loved his red head.

_Well brunettes are fine man, and blondes are fun, but when it comes to getting a dirty job done, I’ll take a red headed woman._


	2. 2. I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles) - The Proclaimers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Walking to the end of the earth to ensure he was with Donna would be what he had to do if it came down to it.

Having certain events occur, in the pattern that they do, seems revelatory. The notion that one thing changed could have disrupted the current situation. Or the current situation would have not existed because the timeline of how things were supposed to go was altered. Never in a million years did Harvey Specter think he was going to be a father of two and married to Donna for nearly a decade. Yet, here he was, staring at the woman he created a family with, wondering if this was his hand all along.

It was a childless night, thanks to Mike and Rachel. They were adamant about taking the kids for a night so that way Harvey and Donna could have a chance to breathe. The firm was expanding to a second level, the kids were getting older, Donna was finally getting back into the groove of working with two kids who didn’t require every moment of her attention. They were apprehensive, but happy to oblige their friend’s demand of “give us your children for a night.”

They knew that moments were going to be rare. Rarer when Donna told him she was pregnant. Again.

Yet, now, they sat on their living room floor, having pushed the furniture aside and sat with a bottle of whiskey between them and shot glasses.

“You’re cheating if you think you can get away with that,” Donna was laughing.

“I haven’t even asked a question yet and you’re pouring more alcohol.”

“Our glasses are empty.”

Harvey liked to listen to the sound of her laugh.

“Okay,” she said, shaking her head, trying to sober up enough to let him ask the next question. “Go.”

“Would you have dated me in the DA’s office?”

“Yes,” Donna said quickly and effortlessly. “But I wasn’t going to.”

“Where do you think we would be if you had?”

“Not here now,” she said honestly. “Maybe together, but in New York maybe. Or Boston.”

Harvey nodded. They had talked about _that_ at length in arguments and fights. “Your turn.”

“Favorite place to wake up?”

Harvey quirked an eyebrow and gave her a small glare. “I’ll answer, but you’re not allowed to make fun of me.”

“Why would I make fun of you?”

“Because it’s going to be a really sappy answer.” Harvey admitted.

“Is it waking up next to me wherever we are?”

Harvey nodded and Donna laughed. They took their shots and Donna refilled. He had lost count an hour or so ago as to how many they were on. But the bottle was a new bottle and not close to being halfway gone.

They drank till they hit half the bottle and until they were both drunk. Laughing and fumbling, they made it into their bedroom and bed. They tried to undress each other, which only caused them to laugh harder. Ultimately, eventually, they collapsed onto their bed half-dressed and sated.

“We’re going to feel like shit tomorrow,” Harvey said, pulling his shirt up and above his head.

“What time did they say they were coming to drop off the kids?”

“Eight,” Harvey said.

Donna looked at their bedside clock and groaned. When did it become four in the morning?

“We need to sleep.”

Sleep did come. As did the sun. Donna woke up to an empty bed and a chatty house. She eyed the clock which told her it was indeed after eight in the morning and the sun was bright and awful.

Her head didn’t hurt as bad as she thought it was going to be. Her body hurt though. Drunk sex was a workout.

She padded through her home and found her family, along with Mike and Rachel in their kitchen and living room. Harvey stood at the stove with their daughter Bella on his hip, bouncing her as Ellis argued with him over what could and could not go into pancakes.

“Can we put legos in the pancakes?”

“No buddy,” Harvey laughed.

Donna took that moment to press a kiss to her son’s head. Waving at her friends and saddled up next to Harvey. She took Bella from him with a swift kiss to the girl’s cheek. She settled Bella on her own hip before leaning over and pressing a kiss to Harvey’s chin.

“Did you sleep?”

Donna could see out of the corner of her eye, Mike talking to Ellis.

“Not really,” Harvey said honestly. “Laid down for about an hour. Got up, showered. Cleaned up the living room. Looks like we kicked over the bottle.”

“Did it break?”

Donna was swaying with the baby on her hip, thankful that the girl was calm right now. It also meant that she was going to need a bottle sooner rather than later. Bella did that when she was hungry. She was quiet.

“No,” Harvey said. “But I wanted to make it seem normal.”

It was then that she looked to the living room. He had moved the furniture back into place and had cleaned up their drinking area. Where the bottle was now, she wasn’t going to ask. She didn’t want to know.

Their morning went on and their day did too. Harvey actively participated in nap time and it allowed Donna to quietly patter around the apartment. Doing some light cleaning. She was folding the last of the kid’s laundry and was doing it on the kitchen island. There was space and she was enjoying the light.

“Hey you,” Donna said, not looking up from her pile.

She grinned into the embrace of her husband’s arms around her middle. Nap time was spent in Mommy and Daddy’s bed. It was a treat for Ellis since that was an emphatic _No_ Zone. Both kids were in the middle of their bed; Harvey made sure to build a small barricade for Bella so she didn’t roll off the bed.

“Feel better?” she asked.

“I’m exhausted.”

She laughed. She eyed the baby monitor and was grateful for him. Grateful he was so attentive and just a good dad. She told him he would be but didn’t believe her.

“I have a question,” Donna asked, earning Harvey to groan and drop down on one of their stools.

“Don’t make me drink anything.”

Donna laughed and shook her head, smirking. She moved the baby monitor aside, in front of Harvey so she could continue the laundry.

“Would you do this all again?”

Harvey looked up from his spot on the counter, his head cradled in his hands. He was debating going back to bed. Or crashing on the couch until the kids woke up from their nap. They were going to have to get them up soon anyway, or else they wouldn’t sleep through the night. And there was dinner.

“I would follow you anywhere,” Harvey said honestly. “What about you?”

“Eh,” she shrugged, grinning.

Donna came around the island, Ellis’ small shirt folded and added to the pile. The kids were going to give them another thirty seconds before Ellis would start yelling for them. She pressed her lips to her husband’s, let her fall into his embrace.

She pulled back. Ten seconds.

“Every single second,” Donna grinned.

“Mommy!” Ellis yelled from their bedroom.

Right on time.

Harvey grinned as Donna walked away from him and down the hall. Soon enough Ellis would be running out in front of them with Donna holding a sleepy Bella against her shoulder. 

Harvey moved off the stool, picking Ellis up and launching him into the air. The knowledge that Harvey would walk to the ends of the Earth to keep this, sat comfortably in his chest; it might not have a decade ago. What he knew then he knew now. 

Nothing else was worth it.

_But I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 more, just to be the man who walks a thousand miles to fall down at your door._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has been reading! Let me know what you think!


	3. 3. Younger Than Springtime - Rodgers and Hammerstein; South Pacific

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Youth brought surprise, but not much can surprise him anymore, or so he thought.

Announcing to the group of people he wanted to dance with his wife had been one thing. Another was telling the ticket lady at the airport, as they checked their luggage, that his wife preferred the aisle seat. It wasn’t something he was used to announcing. The sound of it, the taste of the word, was a surprise.

Not much, he realized since then, could surprise him. He got used to the initial surprise of anxiety and panic attacks. He had gotten used to the adrenaline rush of going to court and winning, losing was the anger that bubbled inside and took him for a loop. Devastation no longer was in his wake or on the horizon; he no longer worried about losing his entire firm or Donna.

Donna was next to him when he went to bed and when he woke up. She was down the hall when he needed to hash out a case and just have her listen. He became acquainted with her couch. During the first week at the firm, he tossed out a joke about being in therapy and as soon as the words left his mouth, he regretted them. That had been a surprise; he picked his words carefully and that wasn’t him being careful.

He was comfortable now. Comfortable with Donna, their life, their friends, the work they sought out to do every day. To right the wrongs that were aimed against their clients. The first client who thanked him, two days prior, had taken him by surprise. Clients didn’t normally do that. Or at least, they didn’t.

At the beginning, what surprised him, was the way he woke up immediately when Donna left their bed. It was like his body was hyper aware of her departure. Tonight, was no different. He had woken from a dream to find Donna’s side of the bed cool to the touch. He rolled to his back and let himself listen to the apartment, listening for the telltale sign of where she was.

He followed the drifting sounds of her music into the room they made into an office. She worked in their more often, Harvey was content spreading his work across their dining table.

“You’re up?” Harvey asked, eyeing the clock on her desk for the first time.

It was a quarter after four. Donna let her pen fall to the desk.

“Louis called.”

Harvey made a mental note to call his former partner and chew him out. He could see the exhaustion in her eyes. He propped himself against the edge of her desk, facing her. He reached out and brushed a curled piece of hair away from her face. She leaned back and let her head fall back for a second.

“What did he want?”

“I don’t know,” she shrugged. “It sounded like he was talking to Sheila. Or Lucy. I hope it was Lucy.”

“How long have you been up?”

“About an hour.”

Harvey sighed. Just as he was about to ask something else, the music coming from the small speaker on the desk swelled for a few bars before quieting back down. It was pretty. Harvey could admit to that.

“Showtunes?”

Donna nodded. “Rodgers and Hammerstein.”

She gave him a tired smile and picked up her pen again. She went back to her files and he had half a mind to go back to bed. He knew she’d stay up and her day began when Louis interrupted her slumber. He pressed a kiss to the crown of her head and moved to leave her be. He’d catch another hour or two of sleep, she’d wake him up when he needed to get moving.

“Harvey,” she called.

He turned to her; his hand flat against the wall of the door frame.

“Don’t call Louis,” she warned. “It was an accident.”

“You’re tired.”

She nodded. They hadn’t been home long if Louis woke her up within the last hour.

They were still getting used to the way the firm ran and their positions with in it. Laurie, who went out with Donna and Rachel once a week, had been the one to give them the tour. She was nervous, tripping over her prepared speech and apologized profusely. Donna liked her and so did Harvey; she was young and eager.

It didn’t help that the night before, just a few hours ago really, they had been at a dinner for the firm. Lucy was on Donna’s right throughout the evening and Harvey was on her left. It was interesting over the last month of them being there, Lucy had become Donna’s assistant. It wasn’t done with some grand announcement, but Lucy was around whenever Harvey came to search her out.

“Let Lucy finish that,” Harvey said from his spot in the door. “Come back to bed.”

It didn’t surprise him that Donna gave in to his request. She was dead on her feet and he knew she’d hate herself later. Something would happen at work and she wouldn’t be able to come home when she wanted to. So, another hour of sleep or just rest would help her out.

What did surprise him was the way she just fell into him. Her head collided against his chest, her hands sought his and she gripped them against her stomach. She leaned up and pressed her lips to his. He drank her in on a sigh. He pressed his lips to hers again, then to her forehead. When he pulled back, he pulled her with him, leading them back to bed.

As soon as her head hit the pillow, she was asleep. The puffs of breath were warm against his neck and yeah, that got him to go back to sleep.

He woke up two hours later to the insistent ringing of his cellphone. Donna was already reaching across him to answer it.

“Yeah,” he heard Donna say.

The red curtain of her hair was all he saw of her. He brushed his hand up and down her back, his silent way of letting her know he was up.

“I’ll tell him,” she said next. “Thanks Mike.”

Harvey’s eyes didn’t leave her as she dropped his cellphone back on the bedside table and she moved to her side of the bed.

“What was that about?”

“Court was postponed.” Donna sighed into his chest.

Donna draped her arm across his middle, letting her head rest on his shoulder. He hugged her to him, and he smiled.

“What?” Donna asked, looking up at him.

“Nothing,” Harvey said. “Just a little surprised, that’s all.”

They had fallen back asleep and Harvey wouldn’t have done that. The New York Harvey anyway. He would have gone into the office anyway. He would have figured out how why court was cancelled, and he could get it back into session. That or he would have hit the gym.

Now he was just content in staying in. Wrapped up in and around Donna.

It would be a long time before the surprise of pure deserved contentment would wear off. He hoped it never did.

_Younger than springtime are you, softer than starlight are you. Warmer than winds of June are the gentle lips you gave me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all who have been reading! Let me know what you think!


	4. Bridge Over Troubled Water - Simon and Garfunkel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim Paulsen died on a Monday. Harvey helps Donna navigate the path of grief.

Jim Paulsen died on a Monday. He was buried less than a week later, surrounded by his family and two grandchildren, friends and colleagues.

The morning Harvey Specter found out his father in law died, his wife told him. She had collapsed into his arms and cried. It was different than finding out his parents died, which Donna broke the news. When his father died, she poured him a drink. When his mother died, she held him and took him to bed. When her father died, she crumbled.

Death is not an easy task to explain. Especially not to a precocious eight-year-old who asks questions. Somehow, they managed and somehow the kid got it. 

Harvey and Donna drove to the kid’s school and while Donna waited in the car, Harvey went and got Ellis. The kid had been sitting at lunch tables, waiting with his stuff. Harvey was grateful to the school for keeping it quiet. They let Ellis have the rest of his lunch with his friends instead of having him sit in the office. Ellis had bounded up to Harvey with a big smile on his face and it killed Harvey to break the news.

Donna held both kids close for the rest of the day. Harvey had called Mike who had been in a client meeting when they left. Mike gave them two weeks off, no argument. Rachel would help and take Harvey’s cases, file the motions for change of attorney, and they’d take care of the rest. Harvey told Donna about work, but he didn’t think it registered.

The next few days had been going through the motions of seeming normal. She woke up, made the kid’s breakfast, made sure they were showered and clothed, then would sit on the couch and just listen to them. He’d catch her zoning off from time to time, there’d be that look in her eyes. Harvey was the one who made lunch and dinner, Harvey was the one who took the kids out for an hour so Donna could be alone without the noise; he realized it wasn’t the smartest idea when they got back that first time and she was in their bedroom crying.

Jim Paulsen was buried on a Sunday. He was buried in a double grave, waiting for when his wife passed on. The crowd dispersed after the priest invited everyone to the Paulsen residence for the wake. Harvey had sent the kids along with Clara, who would wait while Harvey waited with Donna.

“I don’t know how to do this,” Donna said, her tears threatening to drop. “I don’t know how to say goodbye.”

Harvey remained silent but held Donna’s hand in a vice like grip. Even after they waited for Jim to be lowered into the ground, he held onto her. Half a second, his hold loosened, and she tightened her grip. Panic was set in her eyes. He pressed a kiss to her temple; he wasn’t going anywhere.

It was strange to be on the other end of the loss. Donna had been there for him, managing him, managing his life while he fell apart. Yet Donna, no matter how tall and stoic she stood, tried to hold on. With every passing day he saw her slowly starting to crumble.

When Donna finally crumbled, Harvey caught her. It was after they got home, it was after they put the kids to bed. They sat on their bedroom floor while she cried. She tried to curl herself into a ball, into Harvey’s chest, pressing herself into him as far as she could. It nearly broke him.

He carried her to bed.

“We’ll get through this,” he whispered into the darkness, hoping she had heard him.

Six months later, when the kids were at school, and they had a morning off from the office, Harvey found Donna out on their patio with a cup of coffee. She was staring out onto the city before them. A city that they had come to love. A city that was theirs and no one else. It was where they started a family and was raising their kids.

Briefly they thought maybe they could go back to New York and raise the kids there, but it just wouldn’t have worked.

“Is Ellis’ science project due this week or next week?” Harvey asked, stepping out with his own coffee.

“Next Thursday,” Donna mumbled.

He sat next to her on the deck, their hands brushing. She took his hand and held it, giving it a squeeze before letting go.

They sat in comfortable silence. Listening to the traffic below. Listening to the horns of the ships far off in the distance. It was nice. It was peaceful.

Harvey looked to Donna and saw that far off look in her eyes.

“I told Ellis he could build his volcano in the kitchen,” Harvey said. “He is going to use twice as much baking soda.”

“Okay,” Donna said.

“It’ll make a mess.”

“That’s fine.”

Harvey smirked. Yeah, she wasn’t paying attention.

“I’m having sex with the lady next door.”

That seemed to do the trick, because Donna blinked and looked to him. “What?”

Harvey laughed and shook his head. “Where were you just now?”

“Thinking about my Dad.”

Harvey nodded. Right after Lily, after Faye, once they got settled, he’d get lost in thought too. Donna was always there to snap him out of the reverie.

It was later in the evening, after the kids had come home, done their homework, and gone to bed that Donna stopped in the middle of their bedroom. Harvey was slipping on a white t-shirt and changing into his pajama pants.

“Did you tell me you were having sex with Mrs. Stevenson?”

“The lady next door?”

“Yeah,” Donna nodded. “You told me Ellis was going to build a volcano in the kitchen and then you told me you were having sex with Mrs. Stevenson.”

For half a second Harvey panicked. She had heard him. Even lost in thoughts she heard him.

With a raised eyebrow, Donna looked at Harvey who was ready to swallow his own tongue. “Is she any good?"

Like a balloon being deflated, Harvey let out the breath he had been holding and went to Donna. He enveloped her in a hug and pressed his lips to hers. He drank her in. Poured his love and devotion into the kiss, the heartfelt condolences that ached in his bones and understanding was emptied into her. 

Breathless, he pressed his forehead into hers and on a single prayer, pressed his lips to her forehead. He reveled at the feel of her fingers curling around his arms. The warmth of her body radiating against his.

Grief strikes at the most inconvenient times. It makes you feel. With Donna, Harvey finally understood that feeling did not make a person week. It made them human. She showed him that.

When something or someone good dies, you can never go back. The feelings never really go away. Harvey learned that the hard way. That constant 'What-If' scenario does, though. 

Eventually.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took me all day to write. I wanted it to fit. I wanted it to make sense. I hope it does.
> 
> Let me know what you think!


	5. Let's Go Crazy - Prince

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drunk Harvey calls a sober Donna.

Watching Donna Paulsen walk into the bar, Harvey knew he made a mistake in calling her. Harvey didn’t make mistakes, not like this. Not drunkenly calling her and asking her to come rescue him. He didn’t need rescuing, but he didn’t want to drink alone. It had been a rough day and the shots seemed to be kicking in.

He didn’t have to wave to get her attention. Before he could think about it, she appeared before him with two glasses of water. She shoved one in his direction and he couldn’t even care that the liquid sloshed onto the front of his shirt. It went down effortlessly, Harvey finding himself suddenly starving for water. Donna handed him the second one before he even set the other glass down.

In the dim light, she was stunning he realized over the ridge of the glass. Her red hair was pulled back, her makeup perfect, but it was the dress that alerted him to his mistake. Harvey pulled her away from a date.

“Where were you?”

“Tony’s,” Donna said easily enough. “We were just getting done with desert.”

“Donna, I’m sorry.”

His body was going to betray him. It was betraying him now, just looking at her. She was gorgeous. And he was very much on his way to being drunk.

“Do you need more water?”

Harvey nodded and swallowed hard. He watched as she slipped out of the booth and went to the bar on the other side of the room. He swore she added a sway to her hips to appease him. Or it was for the guy at the rail who saddled up to her and when she took the two glasses of water, the dropped jaw skimming the floor in her wake.

“You’re going to need to take it easy,” Donna laughed as Harvey guzzled the drink. “I don’t need you drowning.”

“I need to be sober.”

“We’re working on it,” Donna nodded. “How did we get here, Harvey?”

Harvey swallowed and eyed her. She knew he was with a client. Why was she asking?

Still, he took the bait.

“We’re going to lose tomorrow,” Harvey admitted. “The Judge is going to grant the mistrial.”

“Why?”

“John was sleeping with his secretary.” Harvey didn’t look up. “They put the secretary up on the stand and she lied.”

“So that is going to grant the dismissal?”

“It’s their entire case,” Harvey shrugged. “He paid her special attention, prioritized their relationship over the firms. And was not following the law, legally, when it came to cases.”

“I don’t understand how that would be cause for – “

“The secretary was our witness,” Harvey admitted. “We called her as a character witness.”

“Harvey,” Donna sighed.

He shrugged and took a drink from his water. His body was starting to regulate itself again. He could feel it evening out.

“They called up John and asked him if he loved his secretary.”

“What did he say?”

“He said, yes.” Harvey looked up at her then. “He loved her more than his wife. And his job. If they wanted to disbar him, he’d hand his license over with no fight.”

Music thumped around them. A party cheered. It drew Harvey’s attention away from Donna for half a second. The room suddenly swayed, and he righted himself up.

Donna was getting ready to slip out of the booth and go to him. He waved her off and she settled across from him, ready to move if she had to.

Donna was good that way. Good to him, he realized. He didn’t deserve it.

“Do you want food?” Donna asked. “I can get us some fries.”

“Are you hungry?”

Donna shrugged and she eyed him. “I can go get us something. If you need to eat.”

It was an hour later, and they were laughing in their booth. Harvey was better. He had three more glasses of water. And Donna had gotten him a burger.

“I never told you about the fountain?”

“If you had told me about you falling face forward into a fountain, I’d remember,” Donna remarked, leaning over and stealing a fry. “God what I’d wish for a photograph.”

“I’m sure Louis figured out how to get one,” Harvey grumbled.

“I’ll have to ask,” Donna laughed. “Seriously, how did you just fall into the fountain?”

“You have to promise me not to laugh,” Harvey said as stoically as possible.

Donna nodded, attempting to school her features. It was a hard feat, but she did it long enough for Harvey to start talking.

“I tripped over my feet,” Harvey admitted. “I was trying to impress a girl and just went over.”

Then the resolve fell and Donna laughed. A full hearted, good natured laugh. Her entire face lit up and Harvey couldn’t help but smile.

It was then that music changed, it got louder, and the lights dimmed. Harvey checked his watch and winced. 12:30; Donna had been there with him for over three hours now.

“You want to dance?”

Harvey looked up at the woman across from him and nodded. He went to grab his jacket and with a hand on his wrist, Donna shook her head.

“Leave it.” Donna said. “We’ve been here all night. No one will touch our stuff.”

Brave she was to leave her purse on the table like that. Brave was she to lead Harvey by the hand in the middle of a dance floor. They were instantly surrounded by twenty somethings and he was about to protest when he heard the song start up.

“This was the first song – “ Harvey started.

“I know.”

Fell in love with you? He knew he had to have her around forever. Whatever was about to be said, died in the loud electrical guitar and the drumbeat.

Sure, they were surrounded by twenty somethings now, but they were twenty something then too.

So, okay, he woke up the next morning with a headache. And sure he went to the office and found a bottle of Tylenol, a bottle of water and a note.

In the perfect scrawl, she wrote, “For the crazy idiot. – D.”

Harvey smirked and raised the bottle to her as she passed his office door.

Keeping her around wasn’t a mistake. That much was for sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the hits, the comment, and the kudos! Let me know what you think!


	6. Dancing in the Dark - Bruce Springsteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harvey showed up in a vintage mustang convertible to whisk Donna to Boston.

“Donna!” Harvey yelled into her apartment, after letting himself in.

Coming out of her bedroom, hair mussed, the thin and silky robe falling off her shoulder, Donna met him in the hallway. He called her three times and no answer. He knocked on her door, like a gentleman. No answer. Harvey had been tempted to crawl into bed with her, but they didn’t cross those boundaries. Not yet anyway.

“Harvey, it’s – “Donna said. “I don’t even know what time it is.”

“Come on,” he said, stepping around her and going into her bedroom. “I’m packing you a bag.”

That seemed to wake her up. Before he knew it, before he even had a chance to lay a hand on her closet door, she was in front of him. A warning look in her eyes made him step back with a smirk on his lips.

“Who you hiding in your closet, Donna?” Harvey asked. 

“Why am I packing a bag, Harvey?” The tone less teasing.

“I’m taking you to Boston with me for the weekend,” Harvey informed her. “It’s my brother’s birthday party and he invited me to come.”

“Your brother is having a birthday party.”

“Yes.”

“In Boston.”

“Again, you would be correct.”

“Your mother will be there.” Donna pointed out.

Harvey shrugged his shoulder. He knew that. He was counting on it actually. Which was why he wanted Donna to come with him.

“Probably.” Harvey nodded. “Are you going to move so I can help you pack? Or do I need to carry you to the car and just buy you stuff in Boston?”

The threat was a tease but it was also very real. Donna knew that. Harvey took a step forward and leaned down, just ever so slightly to swing an arm around her knees. He would have lifted her onto his shoulder and carried her to the car in her pajamas. She was sure of it.

Yet, Donna stepped back with a smile on her face. God she was tired.

“How much am I packing?” She relented.

“Whatever you need for three days.”

“Are we going swimming, are we going hiking, are we going to dinner? I need to know what we’re doing.”

“Two dinners, a lunch, and casual clothes.”

“See?” Donna smirked, opening the top drawer of her bureau. “Was that so hard?”

It took her 15 minutes to change and be ready. She for went a shower since she did so the night before. Harvey had announced to her from the other room he’d meet her downstairs. So with her small duffel on her arm, the sunglasses she was removing from the top of her head, she came to an abrupt stop.

“Woah,” Donna gasped.

Harvey was leaning back on the hood of a very nice, very antique mustang. Its top was down. Donna carefully approached the car, running her fingers along the finish.

“Did you –“ she started and stopped. “I didn’t know you got this.”

“That’s the point of the surprise,” he smirked. “Come on. Get in.”

He opened the door to the passenger side, as he always did. She handed over her bag, which was full of clothes that she knew wasn’t enough, but suddenly didn’t care. Quickly, before Harvey could start the car and drive, she tied her hair up.

“Ready?” Harvey asked, dumping himself behind the wheel.

“Are you?” she tossed back.

Harvey started up the car and took off. They made it to Boston for dinner. Donna had mentioned being hungry again and so before he they made their way to his brother’s house, Harvey parked alongside a small café.

“How far are we from Harvard?” Donna asked.

“Ten minutes?” Harvey said, opening the door to the café. “Fifteen maybe. It’s just over the bridge.”

Donna smiled at him warmly as they waited for the hostess to gather their menus. 

“Come here,” Harvey said, stretching out his hand for her.

It was a gesture he did unconsciously. Yet, the warmth of Donna’s hand fitting into his brought him back to reality. Hours before he pulled her out of bed and had her come with him. God, he didn't want her to think this was a mistake. 

A corner table, surrounded by old menus and memorabilia of the time, was empty. It normally wasn’t, but for now it was. He tapped a small gold plate on the side of the table.

“Look what it says.”

Donna narrowed her eyes but bent down to read it. Engraved in the marker, _Harvey R. Specter: Harvard Graduate._

“You have a table?”

“I studied here a lot,” Harvey admitted. “My first year, it became a twenty-four-hour place, so on late nights when I didn’t want to go home just yet, I came here.”

Harvey didn’t offer much about his time at Harvard. Or his family for that matter, but with her it was different. Donna knew everything about him, how he worked, what was on his mind before he even made it up. She was prepared for anything.

“I like this side of you,” she admitted. “Come on. I’m hungry.”

Donna slid effortlessly into the booth dedicated to Harvey. It had been the morning of his graduation – the last meal he ate before going to New York. He woke up at three a.m. just so he could go and thank the staff who took such good care of him. It had been a good run. He was glad he could bring Donna.

After the bill had been paid, they stepped out of the café. It was dark, a bit of a chill, which filled Harvey’s chest with memories.

“You up for a walk?”

“Sure,” Donna agreed.

They walked and chatted about his time at Harvard, coming across the bridge for the weekends when he’d come home. Before everything.

Just before they turned into the Common, he stopped abruptly. He pulled her around, an arm around her waist. Surprise was in her eyes, apprehension in her posture. She was pulling her face back to look at him.

“Close your eyes.” He ordered quietly.

It took a breath, but she did it. Harvey took her hand, laced their fingers together and led her around the corner. The path before them was dimly lit, but the tiled ground reflected the warm lights, casting the path in a light golden hue. With his arm around her waist, pulling her back to his chest, he let his mouth drop to her ear.

“Open your eyes,” he instructed.

She did and he felt the gasp of breath. He grinned as he stood taller, letting the grip around her waist loosen. She held his hand against her stomach, intertwining their fingers again.

“This is amazing.” She breathed in surprise.

“You should see it when it snows.”

Donna looked at him with the largest smile he’s ever seen. He took her hand in his and quickly turned her out, spinning her away from him. He pulled her back, so they were flush against each other. He swayed just a little bit, a wide stance, pulling her along. She laughed her as she followed through with him.

“Thank you for coming with me,” Harvey said, pulling her back in.

Donna leaned up and pressed a kiss to his lips. Chaste and soft. She smiled softly as she pulled back.

“What else you got for me?”

Harvey smirked and led her back to the car. They drove the ten minutes to Marcus’ house. The weekend went smooth enough; Harvey was able to introduce his mother to Donna. It wasn’t until he was dropping her off the next evening, that he was able to let the knot in his chest go.

His mother loved Donna. Harvey hadn’t spoken to Lily in a handful of years, but Donna got him to talk. Donna was the mediator and he was thankful for it. He just didn’t want her to regret going.

“Earth to Harvey,” Donna sing songed, grabbing his attention. “You want to come up?”

“Sure,” Harvey nodded.

They didn’t sleep together that night. Or the night after that. But eventually they did. Eventually he proposed to her and eventually he took her back to the Common in the snow.

She was the change he needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think!


	7. Another Brick In The Wall - Pink Floyd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was a process to make Harvey Specter, the Harvey Specter.

There was a process for Harvey Specter to become _Harvey_ Specter.

It started with his dress shirt; slipping his arms through the sleeves of a starch white dress shirt. He buttoned the cuffs, smoothed the collar. With quick fingers he buttoned the shirt, preparing it to be tucked into the black trousers that were creased in the front and in the back.

His suit was his armor.

“Your Honor, my client is being accused of falsifying records for a prospect he has no knowledge of!”

His watch tells him the time, but the piles of desk dictates his day. The cases are laid out in order of importance. The current cases are towards the top, with the others needing review. The appearances in court are established on the sticky note that is on the front of each file jacket.

Then he’s off to meetings, which again, have been listed in the matter of importance via text.

“My client isn’t a flight risk! If he so much sold a pencil there would be bank records for it!”

Then when it came time for court, there was another process. A process that made him smirk and grin as he pushed the double doors to the court room open. It was a process that was better now than before, but still thoroughly as enjoyable.

Briefcase down, files out, the waiting was key.

It allowed Harvey to make small talk with the client and to get a feel for the room. It’s when he sizes up the opposition. Like any good boxer in a match, he takes his time putting on his gloves and focuses on the feet.

“This man hasn’t been out of the country. He hasn’t been out of the state. Work has kept him on the West Coast for the last decade. Well before these accusations were brought forward. He wasn’t even made aware of any sort of legal action until he was served with a subpoena, which, according to their company’s bylaws should have happened a week ago instead of three days ago.”

It’s after lunch of a full day of court that he starts to feel himself come down from the high. When his body shifts into being Harvey Specter, the husband.

It’s not out of the ordinary that after lunch, he calls it a day and asks for a recess. Usually the judge agrees and recesses until the next morning. It gives him a break to head back to the office, prep for the next day and be home before dinner. If not, then he just goes straight home from court.

His preferred method is going to the office that way he can ho home empty handed. But tonight was going from court home.

Shedding the armor that made Harvey Specter the lawyer was much like the morning when he put it on. It started with the shirt that ended up in the hamper. The slacks were tossed on the back of the high back chair Donna used for her morning make up routine.

The rest of his clothes are stripped in lieu for the hot shower that kneads out the muscles in his shoulders. Sweats and a t-shirt are then slipped on and just as he’s exiting the bedroom Donna is coming home.

“You didn’t go back to the office,” Donna remarked.

“The other side wanted to go till the bell.” Harvey shrugged. “I just got home like twenty minutes ago.”

“Did you know Carla asked for the first years to get raises?”

“Does Mike know that?”

Donna shrugged. “I signed off on it though.”

“You’re going to have the rest of them clamoring at your door tomorrow morning.”

“Let them,” she laughed. “Then I can tell them that they’re still making more than the first years.”

Dinner was quiet. The evening enjoyable. He slept next to his wife, encased in her warmth. He woke up the next morning before the alarm. He basked in the knowledge he could just spend the quiet hours of the morning with her mumbling about going for a trip that weekend.

When they woke for the day, Harvey put his armor back on.

There wasn't a process for Harvey Specter to be Harvey _Specter._ He just was. 

The silver band on his left hand reminded him of that, every day, all day. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song was supposed to be for a road trip. When I go on a trip I put this song. 
> 
> I listened to it and it reminded me of preparing for battle, which seemed appropriate for Harvey.


	8. Lilac Wine - Nina Simone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything for Donna and Harvey changed when Ellis entered their world.

“Where were you?” Donna panted.

“The club,” Harvey told her, weaving his fingers in with hers.

Donna gasped, tilting her head back. Sweat beaded her forehead. She opened her mouth to scream, but no sound came out.

The club was a Jazz club. Dark and smoky. It belonged to a client, until the client died and was given to the Specter family. It was worth a chunk of change and Donna was its primary owner. Harvey didn’t own things. What he did, was minimal, which allowed him to avoid conflicts of interests.

A call had come in, early in the evening, about a client needing help. Rachel had been the one to call, apologetically; Donna was on maternity leave and the entire office knew Harvey went home and stayed there. Unless it was an emergency.

The client was thinking of dropping their firm to go back to the East coast; they wanted to sell their business which would have damaged the lives of low-income families. Harvey’s job was to prevent it from happening. The club was the closest place Harvey could think of that the man would like.

It was always like that, Harvey realized. Make the client feel comfortable while you felt uncomfortable.

“I can’t anymore, Harvey,” Donna whined.

“I know,” Harvey nodded. “One more.”

The news had come as a text.

Donna had texted him, knowing he was in a meeting. They had a rule; call in an emergency, text if it didn’t need immediate attention.

Harvey had apologized to the client, set up another meeting, and begged for the man to wait. To not move and sell, to just wait. The other man agreed, and Harvey left the club. He missed the well wished, ‘Congratulations’.

Harvey had gone home to find Donna seated on their couch, her breath quick, her hands on her extended stomach.

Her water had broken. It wasn’t an emergency.

“Donna,” a woman told her. “I need you to breathe for me.”

Harvey looked at the woman who was at his wife’s feet. Donna’s legs were separated, her body on an angle – they had prepared for this.

“Harvey,” Donna whined.

“Do you remember when we told Louis?” Harvey turned to her. “When we went to his place and told him about us?”

Donna nodded and she tossed her head back. “He was wearing a Harvard jacket.”

“Among other things,” Harvey mumbled. “Do you remember what you told me when we left?”

“This is just – “Donna grunted, gasping for air.

“The first,” Harvey nodded. “We’ve got this.”

They had arrived at the hospital twenty minutes prior. The doctor had announced that Donna had most likely been in labor for better part of the day and the strong contractions were a signal that it was time. By the time they had arrived, she was nearly ready – two centimeters to go and that’s where they were now.

Ready.

She told him she was pregnant over a glass of wine. It had been a glass he poured her, and she hadn’t touched. He had taken her to the club and then took her home. She had complained of a headache. One that she could feel in her temple on and off throughout the day.

It wasn’t like her to be sick. She took excellent care of herself and did what she could to stay healthy. Sure, a cold here and there, but with a strong cup of herbal tea and whatever else she took, she went to work and was fine in a few days. Her being sick for more than a week – well that wasn’t normal.

“Ready, Donna?” The nurse asked.

On a nod, Donna gasped and squeezed Harvey’s hand. He had his lips pressed to her sweaty temple.

_“I’m Donna.”_

_“I’m leaving you, Harvey.”_

_“Donna, you know I love you.”_

_“Everything’s changed.”_

Then the cry came. And the silence. And the rapid beeping of monitors. The wide eyes, the tears in them; the nurses yelling at Harvey to take a step back. They all circled around Donna, delivering the rest of the process with ease and dignity, while another small group of nurses rallied around their child.

It was two minutes between Donna giving birth and Harvey holding their child. A boy. He had a son.

“Do you have a name for him?” A nurse asked, as the small boy was placed in Harvey’s crooked arms.

It was then that he looked to Donna and realized everything was different now. The woman in the bed was no longer his friend, or his colleague, or his wife. But someone’s mother. This kid’s mother. She was a different person now.

“Ellis James,” Harvey said easily.

It was two years later, on the eve of Ellis’ second birthday, Harvey came home to a dimmed house. He figured Donna would put the boy to sleep early, knowing they’d be out late tomorrow. He was putting his briefcase by the door when he saw her enter.

She had that warm, but exhausted smile on her lips.

“Where were you?” Donna asked, slipping her arms around his middle.

“The club,” Harvey said before pressing a welcomed kiss to her lips. “We reached a settlement.”

“Oh?”

“One point five million in sixteen years,” Harvey said. “Whatever is left will be accessible when he’s twenty-five.”

“ _Harvey_ ,” Donna gasped. “That’s a lot of money.”

“Technically,” Harvey said, pulling away from her and pulling his coat off. “You’ll have one point five million in the bank tomorrow morning in a secondary account specifically for Ellis.”

“Harvey!”

He was smirking as he walked away from her, making his way into the kitchen. He was rolling up his dress shirt sleeves as he went.

“I told you I wasn’t going to let the bar sell, Donna,” Harvey said. “You wouldn’t let me.”

“I didn’t think you were going to get one point five million for it!”

“All that was done was a transfer,” Harvey shrugged. “The day Ellis turns eighteen he’ll own half the bar.”

“And what if I want to sell it before then?”

“Then you can sell it before then,” Harvey told her. “As of forty-five minutes ago, on the behalf of Ellis James Specter you are the sole executor of that property.”

“And how is that possible when I didn’t sign anything?”

“Oh, but you did,” Harvey remarked. “I brought Rachel with me.”

“Rachel is my lawyer,” Donna said. “She can’t sign anything on my behalf.”

“She can if you granted her power of attorney in all legal matters.”

Donna opened her mouth to speak but closed it. Harvey watched as realization washed over Donna’s face.

It was a split-second decision when Donna had to sue a former client of Pearson/Hardman and granted Rachel power of attorney. There was conflict of interest wavers signed and Rachel was in New York the next morning.

“One point five million?” Donna asked again.

“In the bank tomorrow morning,” Harvey nodded.

“ _Jesus_ ,” she swore.

They fell into an easy conversation that lasted them until they fell asleep next to each other. Ranging in topics, mostly focusing on Ellis, they slipped into their easy banter. Smirks and grins, kisses and touches – it was familiar.

It was rich and comforting.

It was home.

_I made wine from the lilac tree, put my heart in its recipe. It makes me see what I want to see and be what I want to be._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has been reading, commenting and leaving kudos! 
> 
> Let me know what you all think!


	9. Moon River - Henry Mancini

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Come on Holly Golightly, let's go inside."

It always amazed Harvey, that no matter how long of a time Donna had lived in New York, she still roamed the city with awe and amazement in her eyes. He remembered there was a holiday where he didn’t _have_ to go into the office, and he invited her out for breakfast. It was the first time they had gone out as friends and not colleagues.

Donna had been dressed all in black, with her hair piled up on top of her head. Large black sunglasses covered her face when they stepped out of the car and into the sun. Breakfast was to be light. If Harvey had his way, they’d go to lunch too, but he wasn’t holding out hope. He wanted this to be easy, light, and not overly ambitious.

Being with Donna was easy. She was an easy person to talk to. Her brains and cunning delivery made her that much more attractive. There was no talk about work and he was grateful for it.

Not that he minded, but he lost a bet at breakfast. It involved getting the waitress’ number. While, technically, Harvey didn’t get her personal number, he did get a number; which he found out later was the reservation line for the restaurant.

“You’re going to take me shopping,” Donna concluded. “I want to go shopping.”

That had been an hour and four stores ago. For now, it was just window shopping. Her eyes drifted from place to place, looking in the windows dreamily and internally wishing that she could buy at least one of the very expensive things. One day, she had reasoned with herself.

One day.

He was getting ready to ask her if she was ready to go to lunch when she stopped in a window with a gasp.

Harvey came to her side and saw the object of her attention. He looked up, over the rim of his own sunglasses and saw they had stopped in front of Tiffany’s. And the bag in the window, on the arm of the mannequin was in fact a Tiffany’s bag.

It was almost humorous at the look she was giving the bag. A whimsical grin, love in her eyes, thin lips – he could kiss her right now and she’d still be paying attention to the bag.

“How much do you think it costs?” Harvey asked.

“At least six hundred dollars,” Donna sighed. “Which is ridiculous because if I wanted to buy stock all I would have to do is slap two twenties down and call it a day.”

“I don’t think that’s how stocks work, Donna.” Harvey laughed.

He took in her profile and he grinned. “Come on Holly Golightly. Let’s see inside.”

It wouldn’t be the first time, or the last time Harvey Specter took Donna Paulsen into Tiffany and Company. It wouldn’t be the first time he bought her a simple bracelet or a necklace either.

In fact, Harvey realized as he dropped the Tiffany blue bag on the kitchen counter years later, he bought her something Tiffany and Company related every year since. And it wasn’t something Donna had to buy herself, either.

He grinned at the sight of Donna on their Seattle balcony, overlooking the water. She was dressed in black – black leggings, black sweater, hair piled up on her head, with bare feet – her cheeks kissed by the sun.

“I got you something,” Harvey called out to her.

She was twenty weeks pregnant with their first and she was showing. She looked happy.

He held up the small bag on a single digit and he watched her eyes widen.

“Harvey,” she simpered. “You didn’t have to.”

Work forced him to go to New York for two days. An old case needed some spider webs cleared and he went. He made it a point to buy whatever was in the Tiffany window, regardless of the price. It was a purse and a bracelet. He knew she’d wear both.

Lifting the purse out of the bag and unwrapping it from the tissue, she let her mouth drop open. She shook her head at it and let her fingers drift along the fine stitch along the edges.

She lifted the other item, the box, and lifted the lid with a single finger. She grinned at the sight of the silver simplicity laying there. A small charm – a heart – was dangled from it.

“You didn’t have to do this,” Donna repeated. “When did you have time?”

“Picked it up on the way to airport.”

Donna bit back a smart remark and lifted the purse again. She used the bag on special occasions – weddings, firm events, holiday parties – but never for anything else.

The bracelet would be lost in about a decade after a trip to their summer home.

It would be a trip to New York, with their children staying with Louis and Sheila, when they would find themselves walking the streets hand in hand. They would find themselves in front of the same window from years back. She grinned at the small clutch that the well dressed mannequin held.

This time she could afford it.

“Come on,” Harvey beckoned. “You want to go in?”

It was almost closing time.

“Sure.”

They bought nothing. It was always fun to just look around. To be engrossed in the magnificence of the store.

Waiting for the town car they would kiss and smile. A different time. A saxophone player sat on the corner, playing a tune. Harvey tossed a couple bills in the man’s open case and smiled before slipping into the back of the car.

It was times like these – simple and pure – that made Harvey smile at Donna.

His best friend and partner. He’d buy her the world if she asked for it.

_We’re after the same rainbow’s end, waitin’ ‘round the bend. My huckleberry friend, moon river and me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who is reading these! Let me know what you think!


	10. A Song For You - Donny Hathaway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Doesn't matter what story he tells, it always ends the same.

_To have and to hold, from this day forward._

Harvey Specter tossed the rest of the whiskey back and let the beverage burn down his throat. He grinned at the woman next to him, drinking her in, letting the sight of her become part of his memory. It was surprisingly easy to talk to her. She was impressive. He never got her name.

_For better._

“If we do this everything will change.” She told him, looking at him pointedly. “Do you really want to risk this for that?”

It wasn’t that Harvey could explain his feelings well. It was easier to shut down and it was easier to avoid the conversation entirely. It was easy to do because he was taught how to just brush it all aside. How to bury it deep down and hope no one would find it.

“Let’s call it a night and revisit this in the morning.” Harvey said in return. “Clear our heads.”

“It’s not your head that needs to be cleared.”

He would fall into bed with Scottie the next time he saw her. It would be years.

_For worse_.

“Am I being fired?” Donna asked.

Harvey stood in the hallway, listening to Jessica explain the situation. He hid in the shadows as Donna made her way back to her desk to pack it up. A single box that held a decade worth of memories.

“It’s my own damn fault!” Harvey yelled at her one night with tears in his eyes. He had let Mike down. He had let Jessica down. The worst of all – he was letting Donna down.

“I’m leaving you Harvey.”

It seemed like everyone left him when they needed him.

_For Richer._

The sight of Donna Paulsen sitting in his apartment, comfortable and relaxed, was one to behold. A drink in her hand, she was confident in her news. She stood elegantly, never faltering. She was going toe to toe with him, daring him to do more. She had laid out her ground rules and he didn’t know how to fight.

Yet, that’s how it would always be. He’d give himself to her forever and always if he knew how. So, he took a sip of the drink she had left him. Rich liquid that eased down his throat.

He could breathe again.

_For Poorer._

“I’m seeing Paula Agard.”

He missed the heartbroken look in Donna’s eyes. He traded it for a trip to his new girlfriend’s house for a romp in the sheets. He traded the late-night drink with Donna for a therapy session over drinks.

He traded things that would make him happy for things he thought would make him happy.

_In Sickness_

Paula didn’t think they would survive if Donna stayed.

Paula was his sobriety chip. Donna was his drug. He couldn’t get her out of his life no matter how hard he tried. She was always there. Paula at least would be a constant; she’d be home when he got there, she wouldn’t insert herself into problems, she would just listen.

He didn’t want her to just listen. He wanted the push back. He needed the admonishment when he got too close to the edge. Harvey pushed and Donna pulled – they were a pair.

Paula didn’t think they would survive if Donna stayed.

It wasn’t up to Paula to decide that for him. It wasn’t up to Paula to dictate who he worked with. Who he spent his time with.

“You love her, Harvey,” she had told him one night.

He didn’t deny it.

His apartment swayed with the realization he was alone. His chest pounded in his chest – the rhythm of his blood flowing through his body. Fingers gripped the back of his couch, gasping for air - she was coming back to him.

_And in Health._

It was the empty chair.

It was the empty office.

It was the empty building.

All void of her.

He knocked on her door and made his way in.

Everything changed and he wasn’t going to go back.

_To love_

His father was dead. There was no way to dispute that.

His mother was dead. There was no way to dispute that.

They drank the night he found out his mother died. They drank the night they came back from Boston.

Mike offered him a job. Harvey made Faye a deal.

They went home and Donna offered him a glass. “Are you sure?”

“It has to happen sometime.”

_To Cherish_

“You don’t need us anymore,” Donna told Louis with tears in her eyes.

Harvey pressed his hand on his wife’s back. _Wife_. And odd thought.

They went home together. Husband and wife.

_Till Death Do Us Part_

“On a scale of one to ten,” Donna started, coming out to Harvey. “How bad do you want to punch Brad?”

“I’m having Mike look into his finances,” Harvey deadpanned. “Then send him to Chicago to meet Jessica.”

“Harvey,” Donna shook her head. “Bella is heartbroken.”

“I know,” Harvey nodded. “I offered to knock his teeth out.”

“Did that help?"

“The offer came after I introduced her to the skeleton’s in my closet,” Harvey shrugged. “She’s old enough now to understand.”

Donna gave him a look of appreciation and worry; it wasn’t like Harvey to just volunteer that kind of information. He didn’t like talking about the past with her, much less their children.

“How did she take it?”

“Told me I had a type,” Harvey laughed. “I apparently pick women up at bars.”

Smirking, Donna shook her head. “That was a good night.”

“I met Scottie in a bar too,” Harvey offered. “I went to a bar after Paula.”

Donna tilted her head at him and gave him a small smile.

“Why now?”

“I’ll tell anyone who wants to hear it,” Harvey shrugged. “Doesn’t change the ending.”

“What’s that?”

“You.”

_I’ve been so many places in my life and time. I’ve sung a lot of songs; I’ve made some bad rhymes. I’ve acted out in stages, with ten thousand people watching. But we’re alone now and I’m singing this song to you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone for reading! Leave me a comment to let me know what you think!


	11. That's How I Got To Memphis - Tom T. Hall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He stepped in it. He has to apologize. He just has to go to Donna to do it.

The only way Harvey knew about the house going up for sale was because of a client. It was a weekend event that required Harvey to drive north and have the client and her husband co-sign the bill of sale; divorce was a nasty thing for them and the fact that Harvey made it through the weekend unscathed was a miracle.

It was a three-bedroom place with a large backyard; excellent for a group party or a large jungle gym for the kids. The kids would have their own room, there’d be an office for summer work and then a bedroom for him and Donna. It was perfect. In theory.

Except for the fact that when he brought the deal to Donna, she wasn’t happy. She accused him of frivolously spending money. She accused him of being careless about their spending.

“We don’t make the same amount of money that we used to, Harvey!” She had yelled.

Escrow was a short window, so he had Mike and Rachel watch the kids and drove Donna up to the house. Just so she could see it and make her own decision. It was fair. She surprisingly agreed to it.

The one drawback, that they ultimately fixed, was the upper floor that was all carpet. After the sale went through and the escrow period expired, Harvey had the carpet pulled up and replaced with wood. A back deck was installed during the spring, having it ready for the summer.

Now, after a damn near boxing match with Donna, Harvey was driving up to the house to grovel. There was never a fear of Donna leaving him, not after the nearly two decades of figuring out their feelings. They had spent many late nights agreeing that leaving each other, divorcing, wouldn’t make sense.

Yet. This was the closest they would get.

“You go back to the office,” Donna snapped at him two days before. “Figure out whatever it is you think you need to fix and when you’re done, you’ll find us at the house.”

Idiotically, he left. He did go back to the office. It was the first time he reverted _back_ to his old persona from New York. She had looked at him with wide eyes, before they narrowed, and her lips thinned. It was a look he hadn’t seen in a long time and it was then he knew he crossed a line.

Naturally, as it had been in the last week, it was raining the entire way to the house. He had half a mind to stop and grab a hotel for the night before starting up again in the morning. But he continued driving and pulled into the driveway, next to Donna’s car. It was dark outside, despite the fact that it wasn’t supposed to be _this_ dark, but thanks to the rain and the clouds – it matched the mood.

Keys in the lock, he turned the handle easily. He could hear Ellis snapping at Bella for something and Bella throwing back something smart. Harvey closed the door behind him and suddenly, taking him by surprise, Donna appeared.

“What are you doing?”

“I figured it out,” he remarked in return, stripping himself from the wet sweater he was wearing. “We’re selling the apartment complex.”

“It took you two days to realize that?”

Harvey looked at her with wide eyes. “You knew?”

“They drew up a contract on Monday,” Donna said. “It was on your desk on Tuesday.”

Tuesday was the evening they had their fight.

“I didn’t see it,” Harvey explained. “Donna – “

“Daddy!” Bella yelled from the doorway.

The girl launched herself at her father and Harvey swept her up. He was still wet, but not drenched, thankfully. He carried Bella into their living room and dropped her back down on her feet. Harvey ran a hand through Ellis’ hair, tilting his head back.

“Hey bud,” Harvey greeted.

“Hi,” Ellis said, nonchalantly.

Harvey risked a look at Donna, who rolled her eyes and shrugged. So, this wasn’t a new behavior Ellis was projecting. Harvey bit back a groan.

Then a crack of thunder echoed through the house, lighting up the sky. It drew everyone’s attention to the windows that overlooked the backyard. Ellis and Bella took off outside, standing on the edge of the back deck that was covered, both mesmerized with the light show.

Harvey and Donna stepped out, staying a bit of ways from the kids. The lightning was striking on the other side of the river, but he knew his kids wanted to step out into the water. Donna was, expectedly so, worried about their health. Yet, she didn’t seem to be bothered by them inching out of the overhang.

“Donna look,” Harvey said, wrapping an arm around her waist, settling his mouth close to her ear. “I’m sorry.”

“No one is against you, Harvey,” Donna muttered, her voice barely reaching above a whisper. “You can’t take out your anger on us. Not anymore.”

“I know,” Harvey nodded. “Like I said – “

“You’re sorry.”

Harvey pressed a kiss to her temple, breathing her in. He didn’t sleep the night before and he was exhausted. With her, the kids, _home_ he was starting to feel the weariness fill his bones. Take charge of his muscles.

The next crack and rumble of lightning and thunder was too loud and too close for comfort. It was then that Donna called everyone in.

“No sir,” Donna snapped, turning and catching Ellis at the glass door. “Straight to your room and change.”

“I’m just a little wet,” he whined.

“No sir,” Donna shook her head. “Change.”

“You didn’t make Dad change,” Ellis was commenting on his way out, following the rules his mother laid out.

“You too miss,” Donna pointed, her look directed at Bella who was inching dangerously close to sitting on the couch. Wet.

With a smirk on her lips that was very much her father’s smirk, Bella did what she was told. Without a fight. It was nice to have a child who _actually_ listened.

“I should probably go change,” Harvey agreed. “It’s only fair.”

Donna made her way into the kitchen, dinner preparations scattered over the counter. “There’s no point.”

“Donna, it’s only fair.”

She turned to him with a pointed look. “Harvey. You _apologized_. There’s no point in putting on clean clothes.”

He heard the kids coming, so a smart remark died instantly. His remark, though, was simple. “Oh.”

“Mhmm,” Donna smirked, turning back to the dinner materials.

Just as they were expected to, both kids popped up and announced they were in dry clothes. Harvey then took it upon himself to turn around and try to give one of his kids a hug. Which they then screamed at.

Ultimately he did change, into his night clothes, but that didn’t stop him from chasing his children through his house.

“Do not damage my walls!” Donna yelled loud of enough, hopefully, for someone in her family to hear her.

It came a second too soon because she heard a good thud. She held her breath, but Bella came careening into the kitchen, whipping herself around Donna, holding onto her waist.

Harvey came around the corner, holding up their eldest upside down. The boy was laughing hysterically, his face reddening.

Donna shook her head at them. This was her family. Husband and two children. Changing it for anything was no longer an option and truth be told – it never was. She was just grateful they got to be here.

_I’ve got to find her and tell her that I love her so. I’ll never rest ‘till I find out why she had to go. Thank you for your precious time. Forgive me if I start to cryin’._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Thank you for the review! Thank you for the kudos! Let's me know what you guys think!


	12. America - Stephen Sondheim; West Side Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The hum was a distinctive sound.

The hum of New York City was the pulse. It was the cars, the machinery, the constant wall of conversation. The morning and evening hum were book ends to the afternoon’s buzz. The busier the city, the louder the hum. It was comforting to know that the city was awake.

Adrenaline made Harvey Specter’s body hum. His heart racing, blood racing to his head and throughout his body, he could hear it. He could feel it. It happened when the order ‘All Rise’ sounded in a court room and when his body shut down in panic.

Sex made Harvey Specter’s body hum. It was the sated feeling, the tensionless ache, that settled within him. It was a quiet whisper of satisfaction. A forgiving victory. A lasting sensation he never grew tired of.

Then came Donna. The woman who set his entire being aflame. His body crackled with need. Every touch and look set his mind off on a tangent. Desire destroyed ambivalence.

Radiating in anger, Harvey knew to stay away from her. His body hummed. Hers did to, but it wasn’t aligned. They traded insults to add to injury, cuts to open decade old wounds, they were toxic. They knew too much.

Donna Paulsen was unmatched. She had tiers to her knowledge, tiers to her emotions, tiers to her invitation. He knew her, he felt what she felt, she had let him in once. He felt the way her body melted against a mattress, the grip of his fingers with hers against the stark white sheets, and the shine of her skin. There was no one like her.

“You’re doing it again,” Harvey had commented one night; they sat in his office at Pearson Hardman.

“What?”

“The humming,” Harvey pointed out. “You’ve been doing it for the last five minutes.”

Donna rolled her eyes but did not comment.

Then, they hadn’t reached equal footing. They were still unsure of what they were. Pearson Hardman became home a week ago. He could still feel her wrapped around him. It was unfair.

It had been the price he paid for asking her to come with him. His desk was their barrier for a while, unable to touch or reach; there was a rule and he tried his hardest to follow it. Except it all crumbled the first sign of trouble. He couldn’t help himself. He kissed her cheek and set the world on fire.

Simple gestures like that set his body off. His pulse quickening for a moment. It petered away as quick as it came. A whisper in the wind. A laughing, taunting, teasing notion that he could have what he wanted.

Then, after years of a bodily hum had gone away, it returned. He stood at her door, pounding on the wood. Adrenaline was seeping into his pores, need fixated on the want, and she opened the door.

Three steps to change everything. Three steps to go from poor to rich, sick to healthy, dead to alive.

His body hummed as he pressed his mouth to the underside of her chin. He felt the years of quick escapades with women he didn’t know, with women he cared about, amount to nothing in comparison. He swallowed the deep and rich timber of her acknowledgement, as he pressed himself against her. It was a victorious sound, a sated murmur, a hum of pleasure that escaped Donna’s lips. It was a sound he would never grow tired of.

“You need to get that look off your face,” she chastised Harvey.

“What?”

“You’ve got that look,” Donna said, her voice dropping an octave. “One that is not appropriate for our current location.”

They were at lunch, waiting for her parents. They were going out one last time before officially calling Seattle home.

He was still thrumming with adrenaline from their morning. Gasping for air, arching for touch – he could still see it. He could still feel it. It wasn’t going away. Like his life was flashing before his eyes.

“Harvey?”

He reached for his collar. Adrenaline. It was surging. It was loud. There was no hum.

Movement caught his gaze. Donna. It was a flash. It was blurry. His name was called.

“Harvey, drink this.”

Cold. Water. Glass. He could feel it. She helped him drink it.

“Ma’am do you want us to call an ambulance?”

“No it’s fine.”

The hum was gone. Had been gone. It wasn’t going to come back. It ran away with the person across the room.

“Hey,” Donna said, sitting in front of him, pulling his attention to her. “Hi.”

His eyes settled and she had that small smile she reserved for him. The one that always made him smile. He tried to, but his breathing – he was focusing on his breathing.

“Harvey,” she called again.

It would be soon that he’d come out of his attack.

“Drink some more water,” she offered.

He took it.

“Welcome back.”

“Are your parents – “

“They’re not here yet.”

“I saw –“

“I saw her too.”

What calmed him, instantly, was the hum slipping from her lips just before she pressed them to his cheek. He took a deep breath and took another drink of water. Her parents showed up a minute later and Harvey pretended to not just have had a panic attack.

They didn’t talk about it.

Donna was asked on her way out if her husband was okay. Still fresh with it, less than a week of getting used to the new weight on her hand, she nodded.

The hum did come back. Not his hum, but hers. It came in the early hours of the night when their first born was days old. She was humming a tune, rocking back and forth on her feet. It was a light dance.

He realized a few years later that the hum he heard with their son was different than the hum she had for their daughter.

The hum of New York was the pulse. But the hum of his wife, with their children, was his.

_Here you are free and you have pride, long as you stay on your own side._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might be my favorite chapter I've written. It took me by surprise. Donna is humming the song. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has been reading, commenting and for the kudos! Let me know what you think!


	13. Move On - Stephen Sondheim; Sunday In The Park With George

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This wasn't one of those things Harvey could control - it just happened.

The first year after his Mom died was the roughest. He knew it was going to be. It was bad after his Dad died; he got drunk in a bar and somehow Donna found out. She pulled him off the floor of the place and drug him home. He was angry.

Settled in Seattle, with Donna, Harvey figured it would be okay. Losing his Mom was sudden, yes, but he figured it out. When the pain of grief shot through him like a bolt, he buried himself so deep into Donna he was sure he was going to break her. All the pent-up emotion emptying into her. She didn’t deserve it.

Having kids made it easier. Bella was named after his Mom; Isabella Lillian Specter. The first time he took the kids to the cemetery was on his Mom’s birthday. They were in Boston to visit Marcus and his kids. Harvey brought flowers. Donna’s Dad died a year later.

Now, he sat in the large office of his new therapist. The woman sat across from him with a smirk on her lips as she tapped the edge of her yellow notepad. His knuckles were wrapped in bandage. His heard roared with a headache. He broke the bedroom mirror and smashed their shower door.

“What do you think brought it on?” The therapist – Jenna – asked.

“it’s my Mom’s anniversary today.”

“How long as she been gone?”

“Fifteen years.”

Ellis was finishing Middle School, about to enter High School and Bella was going to be starting the fifth grade. His kids were growing up. They got to see Clara whenever she could make it but it wasn’t the same. He wanted his kids to know their grandparents.

That wasn’t what set him off. What set him off was a client. He didn’t let it bother him, but it did. The guy wouldn’t leave Harvey’s office until _thankfully_ Donna came in to get Harvey for lunch. The client giving Donna a once over while she wasn’t looking wasn’t it either.

“How long have you and your wife been married?”

“Almost 15 years.”

“And you’ve known each other for that long?”

“Longer,” Harvey nodded. “Fifteen years before that.”

The therapist nodded and wrote a note on her pad. The first note in almost fifteen minutes. Which meant Harvey had another 45 minutes. He swallowed hard.

“You have a history of panic attacks?”

“I do,” Harvey nodded.

“Why do you think that is?”

“I don’t know.” Harvey said, partially lying.

Another note. His shirt collar was starting to get tighter.

For a brief second his mind drifted off to Paula. What she would think of him now. Sitting in yet another therapists chair, married to Donna with kids. Would she be angry with him? It wouldn’t have worked out anyway.

He thought about Scottie; that was someone his wife was friends with, and it was weird. A good kind of weird though.

“Harvey?”

“What?” He asked, blinking.

“I asked when you found out your mother was having an affair.”

“What does that matter?”

“I think the issue with your client,” she pointed out. “You have had issues with panic attacks. You told me last week you had one in the restaurant before you moved to Seattle. You told me you had them when your wife left you at your old firm.”

“She wasn’t my wife then.”

“No,” the therapist agreed. “But she was the closest thing you had to a partner. Her leaving shut you down.”

“What does that have to do with my client?”

“Your client told you he was seeing someone, yes?” On Harvey’s silence, she continued. “It’s someone who isn’t his wife and that bothers you.”

He punched a god damn mirror and got the dresser bloodied.

“Your outburst at home was a delayed panic attack,” the therapist told him. “It happens in patients who suffer from Post Traumatic Stress.”

“I don’t have PTSD,” Harvey argued.

“Maybe not,” the therapist relented. “But Harvey, I’ve had patients who have sat where you are now and tell me their entire life story. I’m sure you’ve been told this before, but you did suffer trauma when you were a child. There’s really no room to argue that.”

“My wife would like you.”

“Why do you say that?” Jenna asked, taken back a bit.

“You’ve got it together.”

Jenna laughed, nodding. “My therapist would like to think so.”

The room relaxed into the quiet lull. Harvey played with his wedding band. He played with the bracelet on his wrist. He touched the cufflinks of his shirt. He wanted Donna.

“Look,” Jenna said, leaning forward. “Your case revolves around facts, right?”

Harvey nodded. He had a sudden feeling that he was about to get lawyered in the middle of therapy and have it make sense.

“The facts are these, counselor,” Jenna said. “Your mother had an affair and you found out. It drove a wedge. That wedge was partially healed because of your wife. Now, happily married to your wife, you have children of your own. Your son is probably the age you were when you found out about the affair.”

Again, on Harvey’s silence, she went on.

“Then you find out a client is cheating on his wife. But you have to zealously represent your client whether you like it or not. So, when you couldn’t get ahold of Donna, you went home and let go.”

“How do you know I couldn’t get ahold of Donna?”

“You mentioned it at the top of the session.”

Harvey blinked at her. Ellis was asking him about getting a new bike he realized, suddenly. And Harvey blew him off. Ellis was trying to join a bike club.

“Bottom line is you panicked. You went home and you broke your mirror. And window.”

“Yeah,” Harvey nodded. “So what do I do?”

“My advice? Fire the client. Or give it to someone else at your firm. Also, talk to your wife. She seems like someone who actually does listen to you.”

Donna does. Really well. Even when you think she’s not.

“Okay,” Harvey nodded. “I’ll talk to her.”

“One last question before we go.” Jenna said standing. “After being together for thirty-five years do you really think your wife would leave you?”

_“I love you, Harvey."_

“See you next week, Doc.”

The drive home was quiet. He needed it to be quiet. He thought about what Jenna had said and she was right. The client was the problem; he texted Mike to fire him. Ellis was about the age Harvey was when he found out about his Mom; he bought a bike for Ellis and forwarded the order to Donna.

Harvey made it up to their apartment and Donna was opening the door just as he stepped up to it. They paused. He took a deep breath and she took a step back. He moved forward, surging into her, kissing her and pouring the last thirty-five years into her. They weren’t young anymore to have sex in the hallway again.

“How did it go?” Donna asked, pulling away.

Her arms encircled his waist, pressing her clasped hands into his lower back.

“I’m firing Colin Burns,” he told her. “He’s cheating on his wife with a prostitute and stealing money.”

“What happened?”

“I had a delayed reaction to a panic attack,” He told her. “I bought Ellis that bike he’s been asking for.”

“I saw,” she nodded. “Are you okay?”

Harvey nodded, swallowing hard. “Today is just a rough one.”

Donna took his face in her hands and pressed a light kiss to his lips. She knew. She always did.

“We know it wasn’t going to be easy,” she whispered.

“I didn’t know it was going to take this long.”

Donna smiled at him sadly, before weaving her fingers in with his. She pulled him into the living room and called for their son. Harvey sat at the island in the kitchen, pulling up the recent purchase on his phone.

It had been 15 years and he still wasn’t prepared. He remembers going home and having Donna tell him. How she enveloped him in her arms.

He had been better at the anniversary.

It just wasn’t the same.

_Look at what you’ve done, then at what you want, not at where you are, what you’ll be._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for reading! Let me know what you think!


	14. Here Comes The Sun - The Beatles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donna Paulsen had a super power: Make everything, including parenting, look easy.

They had promised no work trips until Ellis was old enough to understand Donna would come back. Or that Harvey would come home. It wasn’t expected – they didn’t expect to get pregnant again and have Bella. That had been a surprise and an overzealous adventure in baby making.

Yet, she was born in the morning. Isabella Lillian Specter. Quiet and charming. Allusive and smart. Always thinking.

As a newborn she cried for attention, but she had been a lot quieter than her brother. She was a good sleeper, slept through the night when she was a month old and only woke in the middle of the night if she was sick. It terrified Donna at how easy of a baby Bella was.

She walked before she hit a year. Talking sentences at two. Writing when she was three. The girl was going to be a force when she got older.

The know it all attitude was derived from Donna. Yet, funnily enough, Bella _did_ know everything. It didn’t stop her from being skeptical though.

When Bella was born, well until she started school, no work trips. Bella was old enough now to understand Donna was coming home. New York was for work, not for fun. It didn’t stop the girl from venturing into her parent’s bedroom though, one early morning.

The dresser was set up in a fashion that made sense to Donna and to Donna only. Her jewelry hung from a small t-stand. The rings she wore and took off were in a little dish. A second dish was on the other side for Harvey’s cufflinks. It was where Harvey woke up to find Bella standing.

“Hey bells,” Harvey greeted, watching his daughter snap her head up.

“Hi Daddy,” she greeted in return, smiling.

She had darker hair than Ellis; but it flowed down her back like Donna’s did when it was longer. It was a spectacle when the girl was younger to get it cut.

“What’s going on over there?”

Harvey moved to sit up in bed, patting Donna’s space next to him for Bella to come join him.

Donna _had_ to go to New York to settle a case for the firm. They had specifically requested the Human Resource manager since the case was a human resource case. Technically it was, on its face, but everything else behind it spelled out a different case. Harvey had spent the last week going over the details with her, making sure she knew the nuts and bolts of it.

“When does Mom come home?”

“Tomorrow,” he said. “Her plane should be leaving soon.”

Bella nodded and sighed, pulling the comforter up to her chin and burying herself down into her mother’s side.

It was rare that the kids voluntarily came into their room anymore. Rarer that they easily came to bed.

“What’s got you going?” Harvey asked, placing his hand on her head. “You feeling okay?”

“Avery Essen told me his mom went away and didn’t come back,” Bella told him honestly. “I told him Mom would come back, but he didn’t – he was mean about it.”

“People say things all the time,” Harvey tried. “I say mean things sometimes to Mom.”

“Well that’s just because you’re dumb,” she says quickly.

Normally, Donna would snap at her. But Harvey throws a look at his daughter who smirks. The first time she did it, when she got her way, he finally understood what the smirk was. What Donna meant by ‘Harvey’s I got it’ smirk. He gave it to Bella. Or Bella picked it up.

Regardless, she looks like him and he can’t deny it. But she does have her mother’s wit.

Just then they heard the front door open and close. The pair shared a look and Harvey knew it had to be Donna. Ellis was away at a friends and he didn’t have a key.

The pair got up from the bed and made their way to the visitor. Sure enough, setting her suitcase down by the entry way was Donna. He saw the tired look in her eyes and she smiled at him. Her smile grew at the sight of Bella, who had the look of shock on her face.

The two embraced and Bella chatted away about school. Donna listened, she always listened, but he saw the sag of her shoulders. The slow way she walked. He took her suitcase to the bedroom and left it next to the closet for her to sort it out later.

“Bella,” Harvey started. “Why don’t you go get Mom the book report you got back.”

“Yes!” the girl scampered off and Harvey took her spot on the couch.

“Hey,” he said, turning his attention to Donna.

She took a deep breath and sighed. “Remind me to not take red-eyes anymore.”

“That’s why you were going to be home tomorrow.”

“I know,” she nodded. “I missed the kids.”

Harvey pressed a kiss to the crown of her head and then the temple.

“What time is Ellis coming home?”

“Three, I told Clarke’s mom.”

“Good, I can nap.” She yawned. “How was night with Bella?”

“Easy,” Harvey nodded. “Found her looking at your jewelry this morning. She called me dumb.”

“Well you are,” Donna replied easily.

Harvey smiled and kiss her cheek. It was good to have her home. Bella came out soon enough with her book report, climbing onto Harvey’s lap like she was little. Donna pulled the girl off his lap, across hers into the space next to her. With his hand in hers, Donna rested them against Bella’s legs.

Donna did nap. She told Harvey not to let her sleep for more then an hour. Her and Bella, asleep in the bed, were there for two hours by the time Ellis had gotten home.

“You got to be quiet,” Harvey told Ellis. “Mom is home.”

“She is?” Ellis whispered loudly.

“Yeah,” Harvey nodded. “She’s in the bedroom.”

Ellis made his way to the bedroom. Harvey was in the frame long enough to see the toed off shoes fall to the ground before Ellis made his way into the bed with Donna. Without missing a beat, Donna wrapped her arm around their oldest and pressed a kiss to his hair. She had waited for him to settle, before Donna opened her eyes.

Her gaze fell on Harvey and that tired, sleepy but content smile rolled across her lips. He smiled back and let them be.

Sometimes it took Harvey’s breath away at just how easy Donna made it all look. 

_Here comes the sun, and I say, it’s alright._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to everyone who has been reading! Let me know what you think!


	15. In The Still of The Night - Cole Porter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being a parent was scary enough. But when your kid is in the hospital? Terrifying.

Illness: a disease or period of sickness affecting the body or mind.

It started when Bella couldn’t keep any food down. She was just over a year old. Her body quickly dehydrated and the doctor’s informed them she was going to have to have an IV. Her temperature refused to go down. It wasn’t pleasant.

They were in a holding pattern. Donna had woken Harvey up in the middle of the night; he called Mike to get him to take Ellis so Harvey could go with Donna. The waiting room had bright and uncomfortable fluorescent lights. Bella was crying, whimpering, but no actual tears. That wasn’t the scariest part.

Despite how good of a baby she was, going to the doctor’s and getting her shots was always an ear-piercing event. Donna had Bella against her, back to chest, while Harvey held the girl’s hand. The needle went in, they taped the IV to her small arm, and it was quiet. Effortlessly, they put her in the small bed, and the nurses went on with their tests. Bella’s quietness was scary.

She threw up twice for the nurses. Green, disgusting, stomach emptying, puke. The diarrhea wasn’t any better. The nurses, with the stack of pampers, refused to let Donna change her. Harvey would drag himself out of the room, to Mike’s and check on Ellis.

If he had time, he’d run home, grab a change of clothes for Donna and shower himself. It didn’t always work that way, but he tried.

Donna slept in the hospital. A nurse tried to get Donna to leave the room, but it quickly fell on deaf ears. Harvey, ever the lawyer, explained to the lovely woman that she might as well just bring in a cot for Donna since the woman wasn’t going to leave. Another nurse mentioned to Harvey that while Bella slept, which was more so now that they were giving her fluids and her little body was trying to heal, it might be a good idea to get Donna to eat.

The dark shadow that was starting to appear around Donna’s nose exposed her exhaustion. So after successfully convincing her to join him in the hallway, he took her by the hand and led her to the hospital elevators.

“Harvey,” Donna sighed, the exhaustion in her voice deepening it. “I don’t want to go too far.”

“We’re going three floors,” Harvey said. “I’m going to make sure you eat more than a protein bar and whatever else you have stored in your purse.”

They loaded the elevator and he felt Donna sink into his side. He held her against him with an arm around her waist. He wasn’t sleeping much either. Leaving to go home, to go see Ellis, to grab and hour or two here and there wasn’t cutting it. If he were to go home and to stay for a while, it would be with Donna.

He had to get her home. Out of the hospital.

The hospital café took up an enormous part of the floor. A large selection of choices, with fridges of drinks, an island for soup and salad, the hot bar for the selection of meal they had to serve.

“What are you in the mood for?” Harvey asked.

“I could go for a burger.”

Harvey nodded and led them to the hot food bar, ordering them two burgers, modifications as well. He watched Donna as her eyes were slightly glazed over.

“You visiting someone?” the woman, prepping their burgers, asked.

“Our daughter.” Harvey said.

“How old?”

“Eighteen months.” It was Donna who supplied the information.

Two plates were placed on top of the see-through window, Donna taking them both. She gave the woman a small smile and moved away. 

It had been four days since they brought Bella in. In a moment of reprieve, while the doctors were looking over Bella, Donna had called her parents. Tears in her eyes, pain in her voice, she had to tell them. Harvey had called Marcus to tell him, to give him a warning if Marcus needed him. It was in the middle of the night, when Donna essentially kicked him out of the room, that he told Mike and Rachel.

It was terrifying to think that his kid was so sick.

Another two days would pass before Harvey was alone in the room with the baby and the beeping machines. Rachel got Donna out – to go for a walk – to get fresh air. Ellis would be downstairs with Mike – a surprise for Donna. He was seated in the rocking chair, a new favorite place for Donna; they were in close enough proximity to stick their hand over the rail to hold onto Bella’s hand, or to touch her hair, or to brush her forehead with the backs of their fingers.

“You can hold her,” a nurse who had quietly come in told him. “Your wife held her earlier.”

It was news to him, but he nodded.

Bella was asleep and he feared she’d wake up if he moved her. But nonetheless he carefully lifted her out of the bed, wary of the IV line that was still in her arm, and held her against his chest. He made sure the IV arm wasn’t folded under her – that had been difficult when she tried to roll over and screamed out in pain – and let her head fall to his neck.

Having kids was the most terrifying and exhilarating thing. Every day with them was a series of firsts. First time he took Ellis to the firm, Donna was in a meeting. It was where he took his first steps. The first time they took Bella to the pier, she had said her first word.

Not that he ever is planning on mentioning it to Donna, although because of they way she works, already probably knows Harvey once lost track of Ellis in a store. That or Ellis bragged about going on an adventure, which, thinking about it, was probably how Donna found out. She had made a remark about the store and adventures three-year-old boys go on.

Dozing off to the sounds of the beeping and the feeling of his child on his chest, ultimately lulled Harvey into sleep. The doctor’s were optimistic and hopeful Bella would be able to go home in the next day or so. She hadn’t had any worrying symptoms and with antibiotics to go home, they were confident she’d be okay. Normalcy is what Harvey wanted to go back to.

“Harvey,” he heard whispered. “ _Harv._ ”

His eyes fluttered open to see Donna standing in front of him. He righted himself up, sitting up in the chair. She reached out to take Bella from him, to which the girl whimpered.

Turning her around, so she could be flat against Donna’s chest took manuevering. A slight cry escaped the girl, to which Donna quieted with a kiss to her head.

“I know,” Donna simpered. “I’m sorry.”

She placed Bella down into the bed and turned to Harvey. She gave him a small smile and tilted her head to the hallway. He nodded in return, got up and followed her.

It shouldn’t have surprised him that she instantly folded into him. Her arms around him, her palms against his palm, her face in his neck. He held her tight and nodded to the nurse who slipped into Bella’s room.

“Ellis,” Donna sighed, pulling back from the embrace. “Has a bruise on his forehead.”

Harvey nodded. Mike texted him. “He’s going through superhero training.”

“Oh?”

“Mike let him jump off the couch into a pile of pillows.”

Donna rolled her eyes. That damn puppy.

“That’s all I need,” Donna sighed with a slight laugh. “Both of my kids in the hospital.”

Harvey took her face in one of his hands and forced her to look at him. This was what they did as partners of two kids. Listening to each other, actively listening, was part of the deal. A late night, post coital, deal.

“Mike wouldn’t let anything happen to him,” Harvey pointed out. “I wouldn’t let anything happen to him.”

“I know,” Donna nodded. She took a shuddered breath and her eyes filled with tears.

It was scary the last few days.

“I just want to go home.”

Home is where they went the next afternoon. Harvey, again, was woken up by Donna as he held Bella on his chest. Ellis was asleep in his room, excited to see Donna and curious about Bella. Tired and exhausted, Ellis threw a fit, wanting to sit out with Harvey. Donna must have finally got him to sleep.

Donna slipped into the space next to them on the couch, between Harvey and the arm. She placed her hand on Bella’s back and pressed a kiss to Harvey’s cheek.

“You should go to bed,” Harvey said. “I’ve got her.”

She shook her head. “I’m okay.”

“Donna,” Harvey sighed. “You haven’t slept.”

“Neither have you.”

Bella stirred in his arms, adjusting her position. Her feet kicked out and she dug her knees into her dad’s stomach. Harvey adjusted himself to conform to Bella.

“Harvey,” Donna sighed. “Come on.”

She stood and stretched out her hand for him to take. He shook his head and moved to sit on the edge of the couch before rocking slightly and standing, Bella tight against his chest.

Bella was placed in the middle of the bed. In a while, Harvey would go get Ellis and the four of them would be together. Donna would protest, but he’d argue it wasn’t a permanent situation. Ellis might take himself back to his own bed, who knew. Comfort was what the cure.

Cure: relieve (a person or animal) of the symptoms of a disease or condition.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> True story: My brother was in the hospital with the same virus. Scary and gross. 
> 
> Thank you everyone for reading! Let me know what you think!


	16. Five Minutes To Live

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was and has been a method in which Harvey Specter chose his cases.

Their children were late. Harvey was alone at the table, eyeing the hallway his wife disappeared down. It wasn’t like them to be late. That was one of Donna’s teachings – early doesn’t get you fired – and they stuck with it. It was a valuable teaching moment the night Ellis came home from a party three hours after he was told to be home.

Harvey had seen Donna angry, but never like that. Quiet, even toned, narrow eyed, seething. He didn’t even think to ask her if everything was alright when she crawled into bed. The one thing no one did was mess with Donna’s kids. It was unfortunate, regardless of who you were, if you did.

The door to the restaurant opened and the two Specter kids stepped in. Harvey looked over his shoulder and noticed it had started snowing. Typical New York weather.

“Hi Daddy,” Bella greeted, kissing his cheek. Ellis nodded at Harvey and slid into his seat. Donna would be across from him.

“Where’s Mom?”

A hand to the shoulder and a kiss to his cheek, answered Ellis’ question. Ellis smiled.

Dinner went on easily. Ellis shared his current woes about his job; the ‘boy’ had gone on to get a Bachelor’s in Economics and a Master’s in Public Policy. Bella had just returned from a trip that she was regaling tale with Donna.

The sight before him was similar to the one nearly four years ago. Bella had been the one to call for the dinner, paying for it too. She could afford it, she scoffed as she placed her credit card in the billfold without looking at it.

It wasn’t until after the bill had been paid for that she gave him an envelope. It had quieted the table.

_Dear Isabella,_

_Congratulations and welcome to the Harvard Law School class of –_

The night before they took the train for Boston both kids had spent the night in a makeshift fort in the living room; much like they had done when they were kids in Seattle.

New York had become home for Donna and Harvey once both kids were out of the house. It came after Harvey Specter tried his last case. It had been a wrongful death suit that gained television attention; Donna had to take to the kids to the house up north to get away. To get the kids away.

That had been the beginning of Bella’s interest in the law. Ellis had always been a numbers kid, interested more in the development and maintenance of a business – very much Donna Paulsen’s child.

Now, in the same pattern at the table, Harvey has a file for Bella. It had been Donna’s suggestion that Bella go on a trip after taking the Bar, once she finished law school. She was anxiously waiting for the results; graduated in May, took the exam in July – it was a cool October evening in New York now.

Harvey paid for dinner, waited until after it for him to pass the very thick envelope to Bella. It was blank on the front, like her blank envelope holding the acceptance letter from Harvard.

Setting in front of her, Bella looked to her mother.

“Do you know what this is?”

Donna nodded. “I do.”

It was the afternoon of Bella’s announcement that Donna had found out her daughter had been accepted to Harvard. Bella’s intention was that Harvey be the first to know, to read the letter and then pass it around the table. Which had happened, but Donna already knew.

She shared the information with Harvey in the darkness of their bedroom that Louis had broken the news. Sheila, with her finger still on the Harvard pulse, found out and she told Louis, who called Donna demanding to know why he had to find out from Sheila.

“Because Louis, you just told me,” Donna had snapped at him.

“Should I be scared?” Bella asked, tapping the envelope that Harvey had given her.

“Only if you want to be,” Harvey shrugged.

It wasn’t that Harvey was completely retired. He still had his license to practice law, still overlooked cases that needed an extra pair of hands. It was just after Bella turned 12 that they agreed to create a branch of the Seattle firm in New York. Mike and Rachel moved to New York, while Harvey and Donna stayed in New York. It made sense at the time.

Now with Harvey and Donna in New York again and had been for a while, Mike and Rachel moved back to Seattle, taking the Specter apartment. Ellis worked at the firm during the summers and worked with the Human Resource team. Again – very much Donna Paulsen’s son.

Yet, Harvey was ready to take Donna on a trip. To physically distance himself from the firm, from the law, maybe even let his license expire. He wasn’t sure yet. He just knew he wasn’t the same age two decades ago, much less four.

“Open it,” Harvey gently ordered.

A blue folder sat within the envelope. The table watched as Bella opened the jacket and her eyes danced over the front page – a Case Summary. She flipped a couple pages, her eyes quickly running over the contents.

Pinpointing _when_ Harvey wanted to be a lawyer was never one, he was sure of. He knew the day he _became_ a lawyer though. It was his first big victory. It was the night his fellow associates took him out to the bar. When his life changed.

“This is a case file,” Bella pointed out.

Donna tossed Harvey a smirk before taking a drink of her wine.

“It’s a pro-bono case,” Harvey nodded.

“It says the Attorney of Record is Specter,” Bella said, eyeing her father. “Why are you giving me this?”

“So, you can give the client, this,” Harvey reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet.

He handed her a business card that read: _Zane Specter and Associates, Isabella Specter: Attorney._

“This is my case?” Bella asked, her voice breaking.

“I haven’t even gotten my results yet.”

It was then that Donna produced the envelope that held the results of her Bar Exam. Like she was a child again, ripping open a bag of her favorite candies, Bella did the same to her envelope. Her eyes danced over the sheet and tears pooled in her eyes.

“I’m a lawyer,” she breathed.

“You start tomorrow, counselor,” Harvey quipped.

She gave him a teary-eyed grin over the table and he winked at her.

Outside of the restaurant, Ellis had announced he was taking Bella on a celebratory bar crawl.

Pulling the lapels of Ellis’ coat in, Donna stood a few inches shorter. He had Harvey’s height. “Do not get that girl drunk.”

“Mom,” Ellis laughed. “Is it really a first day of work if you’re not hungover?”

“Ellis James,” Donna warned. “I will go to that office if I have to.”

Ellis smirked and shook his head. He pressed a kiss to his mother’s cheek and pulled his sister out of the embrace she was in with Harvey.

“Remember what I told you,” Harvey said.

“It’s a five-minute battle.” Bella nodded, letting herself get pulled by Ellis.

Donna migrated to her husband’s side. They stood outside of the restaurant until their children disappeared from view. Harvey took a deep breath and took Donna’s hand, tucking it into his coat pocket.

“What’s on your mind, Mr. Specter?”

“We actually did it.”

There was and has been a method in which Harvey Specter chose his cases. At the beginning, sure, it was all about winning. Never taking something to court, he himself didn’t think he would win. Then it was choosing the cases he knew he’d win and dismantle. He never let it get personal – it clouded his judgement.

Letting things get personal clouded his judgement. Caring made him weak, because come heaven or hell, he was not going to let anything happy to Donna and the kids, Mike or Rachel. Louis too, even in New York, Lucy and Sheila by extension. It was the small group of people he vowed to protect.

Standing at the long mirror in the bedroom, he fixed his tie. He eyed himself; the thin streak of grey hair that was growing in around his ears, the gentle highlights in his otherwise dark hair, he was getting old. Hid kids were grown and he didn’t know how to feel about it.

Nevertheless, he was proud.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has been reading! Let me know what you think!


	17. Winterglow - Grant Lee Philips

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He loved snow because she loved snow.

Growing up in Connecticut, what he remembered about the Winter was that when it snowed, it came down thick. He remembers his mom taking him and Marcus out to get their feet wet in it, then snuggle up on the couch with hot chocolate and a blanket. It was a memory that was positive, which, unfortunately, were far and few in between. It wouldn’t be long after that, that his parents got into their fight and started to separate. It wouldn’t be long either that Harvey would find out about his mother and her affair.

Moving to New York was almost a necessity. It wasn’t too far from home, but close enough that if something were to happen, he could be there. Harvey didn’t feel like he was suffocating under her mother’s resentment or his father’s grief. He was actually able to breathe in New York and dive into work. It was a nice change of pace.

Working at the DA’s office gave him the adrenalin he was searching for. The constant barrage of work and movement. Then – _then-_ met Donna. Donna who was the force of nature who didn’t let him settle. It was impressive how quickly she matched his pace, to essentially run the marathon with him.

Even now, she wouldn’t let him quit and she refused to let him cheat.

It was the first Christmas together in the DA’s office that he took her to Rockefeller center. It had been a surprise the night they turned on all the lights in the plaza. They were not alone and had been working together for a handful of months at that point, but it was an intimate notion. Them, shoulder to shoulder, watching the world around them light up so easily. Her smile and gaze of wonder was enough for him to know it wasn’t a one-time thing.

Throughout the years, the Wednesday dinner that they went to, would usually involve stopping at the plaza. It had become another one of their rituals. Giggling and laughing at the notion of putting on ice skates, watching young couples walk hand in hand while they stood with shoulders bumping. Even after they left the DA’s office, after the line of intimacy had been crossed, they still stood shoulder to shoulder.

To grab her attention, or to pull her away, he did slip his hand into hers or vice versa. He would still reach out and grab a hold of her elbow or wrap an arm around her waist to steady her. It would never go beyond that, no matter how easy it would have been to just _pretend_. Pretend to be one of those couples who couldn’t stop touching each other. To just kiss her cheek as the lights around them shined bright.

She wouldn’t let him cheat.

It was their first time in the plaza as a couple that was the most awkward. The lights went on, the gasps of shock and amazement trickled throughout the crowd. He had every intention of taking her hand, pressing a kiss to the lips he had claimed as his own, and yet, they stood shoulder to shoulder. It was habit. It was comfortable. Breaking that habit took time.

The habit was broken when a boy, not more than four, knocked into the back of Donna’s legs. Her knees buckled and Harvey grabbed her hand and moved to catch her around the waist. She had gone to hold onto his arm, her head on a swivel to see what caused her to shift.

“I’m so sorry,” the other woman apologized, hiking the boy onto her hip. “He was just – “

“Don’t worry about it,” Donna said easily, her hand slipping into Harveys, where it stayed for the rest of the night.

Having kids didn’t stop them from coming. If they were lucky to be in the city visiting around the holidays, they made it a point to come for old time’s sake. The moments were far and in between, needing to figure out if they bring the kids, leave the kids with Louis or Alex, or whoever else was in the city with them. Do they go for an hour, two, have dinner?

A series of things they didn’t have to think about _then_ , but now because they had other responsibilities to think about.

Now, Harvey was grateful that his mother in law decided to join them for the weekend in the city. Grateful that she expressed interest in watching Ellis and Bella, letting Harvey and Donna explore the city again.

“You must miss it,” she surmised as Donna stood in front of the large window of the hotel room, looking out over the brightly lit city.

They had gone to Del Posto for dinner; how could they not? It was a surprise for Donna mostly, to have the sleek black Lexus waiting for them to take them wherever they wanted. It was an even bigger surprise when the driver of the car, all Harvey’s doing, stepped out to open the door for her.

“Ray!” she gasped.

It had been years since Harvey brought him up. He was tempted, at the beginning, to uproot Ray’s family and move them to Seattle, but Donna being the wise wife she was, told him to not. To let it go. They were close enough to the office anyway that they wouldn’t really need a driver. Plus, after a while, once the kids came, they drove themselves around.

The tall buildings of New York had already begun to be transformed, with the Christmas decorations and lights.

When they pulled over to the side, a half a block from Rockefeller Center, it all seemed to fit into place.

Donna straightened herself up, pulling her coat in closer, buttoning the large black button of her navy-blue coat and reached for Harvey’s hand. She smiled as she leaned into him and they walked towards the already large crowd of people who were waiting.

“That was us once,” Harvey said quietly, nodding to a couple not far off from them.

Donna smiled and rested her head on his shoulder for a beat. She looked back up and Harvey, smiling as he stood stoic and proud; that smirk on his lips.

“We came here a lot then,” Donna added.

“We were never that though,” Harvey said referring to the couple.

Donna pressed a kiss to Harvey’s cheek, squeezing his hand. He brought up their joined hands and pressed a kiss to the back of her hand. They weren’t then, but they were now.

“Maybe in another fifteen years they’ll have kids,” Donna said. “Do you think if someone told you that’s where we’d be, you’d believe them?”

Harvey shrugged his shoulders. “We were different people then.”

Music filtered through the outdoor speakers, matching with the lights. They moved through the crowd, weaving in and out of everyone, coming to a stop at the ice rink. They had been on it once, slightly drunk, intoxicated with need for each other, that the few times around the rink they were in each other’s grip.

Coming to a stop on the ice, laughing at their own uncoordinated efforts, they were wrapped up in a hug; the picture of them, with Donna laughing and curled into him, with his own smile matching her joy now sat on his home desk.

“How much would I have to pay to have you go back out there?” Harvey asked.

“Not enough money in the world,” Donna laughed. “I’d bring you with me.”

They laughed and smiled. Donna yawned and leaned into Harvey, resting her head on his shoulder.

“You ready to go?” Harvey asked after a while of simply walking through the Plaza, looking at the tree, through the streets with the Christmas lights.

“Please,” she sighed.

Harvey made the phone call and soon enough the Lexus pulled up. Ray drove them to the hotel where their kids were and Harvey had to wake Donna.

It was an hour or so later, when Donna woke. Harvey and Ray caught up, chatting about the changes in the city, Ray’s kids and what they were doing now that they were older. Harvey told him about Ellis and Bella, told him about Seattle, Mike and Rachel, the firm; it was weird, but satisfying.

Ray continued to work for the firm as a personal driver but didn’t have a consistent client. He told Harvey, right before Donna woke, that he was going to retire in May; his youngest was going to college and had enough saved up.

“If you need help Ray, we can pitch in.” Harvey was offering when Donna came to.

“What are we pitching in for?”

“We’re going to help Mara go to college,” Harvey said.

They could have gone to the apartment instead of sleeping in Donna’s mom’s hotel room, but the kids were both asleep and after Donna crawled into the bed with their kids, that was it.

“Sorry for intruding,” Harvey apologized quietly to his mother in law.

“It’s a nice intrusion,” she remarked, looking at the trio asleep in the bed. “They fell asleep about an hour ago.”

Harvey smirked and nodded. “We were in the car and she fell asleep about the same time. I chatted with the driver.”

“You let her sleep in the car?"

“I was catching up,” Harvey shrugged. “Ray was our old driver when we lived here.”

His mother in law nodded and adjusted her posture in the chair. A leg pulled up, the other curled under; Harvey made a mental note to tease Donna about becoming her mother, seeing as his wife took up that same position often.

“Thank you for the invitation, Harvey,” his mother in law told him. “It was a nice gesture.”

“The first holidays are always the hardest.”

She nodded and reached across the small table that they were sitting at. “I’m grateful you’re in her life.”

Harvey smiled softly and watched as the older woman went to the in-suite bathroom. Harvey took that time to drape his jacket on the back of the chair and paired it with his dress shirt. Sleeping in his slacks wasn’t ideal and Donna was going to whine about how she slept in her dress, but there wasn’t much of a choice. Pulling back the covers, settling in next to Ellis, he wrapped the boy up under his arm.

He didn’t realize it when he was first sliding in, but Donna was awake. Shielded eyes, but still awake.

“She likes you,” Donna smiled quietly.

“I like you,” he returned, leaning up and over just an inch to kiss her. “Look.”

He nodded to the window which had the curtains partially drawn.

Growing up in Connecticut, when it first started to snow it was a skeptical. Him and Marcus would race through the house and into the backyard. It was wet and cold, but they still figure out how to make an event of it.

Donna rolled back over, smiling into Bella’s hair. She reached out and over the girl, her fingers weaving with Harvey’s under the blanket. She squeezed.

He loved the snow because she loved the snow. It was a series of lights, the moon light reflecting off of it.

“Sleep Harvey,” her deep voice coming from across the bed.

Sure, enough the door to the bathroom opened and the lights to the room went off. He heard the other bed covers get pulled back and the body crawl in. Then silence.

It was a different time then, an even different time now.

He didn’t mind the different. He liked the different. _Loved_ the different. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for reading! Let me know what you think!


	18. The Rose - Bette Midler

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "A rose by any other name would be just as sweet." Or so Shakespeare said.

Have kids, they say. They’re great.

Harvey Specter, listening to his son complain about his name was border lining on funny and just sad. Ellis was thirteen, impressionable, and attracted. His name was known because of Harvey and Donna; they contributed a lot of money to the kid’s school to make sure the kids there were taken care of. It started out as a simple _whatever_ at the table that turned into Donna and Ellis snapping at each other.

Specter was a name that carried weight. It got Harvey through a lot of doors in New York. The name held a lot of value; even in Seattle the name held value. It became more valuable when the kids came, and Donna held the name and wielded it like a sword.

“Mrs. Specter,” they would call her, and she owned it like she owned everything else. With power.

She had become the Specter that was valued and monetized, she was the Specter that got through any door she needed. Granted, she did the same when she wasn’t married to him, but now, it seemed more significant.

“You don’t understand,” Ellis had yelled at Donna, his voice small. “You’re Donna Paulsen, you’re not a Specter!”

There was this look that Donna had that scared Harvey and made him feel sorry for the poor soul on the receiving end of that look; this time it was their son. She narrowed her eyes, her lip quirked into a small smirk and Harvey knew the quiet and firm lashing was coming. It would not be any softer on Ellis because she was his mother, it would not be gentler because the boy was just a boy – no. This was her son, whom she raised a lot better than the crap he was pulling right now.

Harvey decided then to retreat. Not before though, watching his wife pull out I.D. cards from her wallet.

“Your birth certificate,” he heard Donna say as he slipped into his office.

Bella was in there already. Harvey smirked.

“My license, my work paperwork, the name on the lease for the club, the name on the lease for this apartment and the house, you know what they all say?”

Donna’s voice carried into his office – she raised her voice at the kids when she was making a point. This was a point she had to make.

“Hey,” Harvey said, grabbing his daughter’s attention. “What’re you reading?”

Bella held up the book and Harvey smirked. Shakespeare. Of course.

“By any other name would smell just as sweet,” Bella recited in her best impression of Donna.

The girl didn’t need to work on it, she did sound like Donna. Harvey was about to slip out when he heard:

“Ellis is in trouble,” Bella whispered with a bit too much glee in her voice.

“You’re next.” Harvey warned his daughter, who seemed to instantly sober up.

The conversation did die down a bit and Harvey took that as a cue to nudge Bella out of the office and to rejoin Donna and Ellis.

Ellis was hunched over the kitchen island, tears in his eyes. Donna was next to him, her voice low enough for only Ellis to hear. She was tapping at one of the cards as she spoke to him. He was nodding as Harvey and Bella approached.

Donna pressed her lips to the side of Ellis’ head and normally the boy would pull away. Not now. Not today.

With his hand on Bella’s shoulder, they watched the moment. Donna opened her eyes and risked a glance to their daughter when started to curl into Harvey’s side.

It was rare that Donna was this upset over something so trivial on the outside. Inside though – Harvey maybe got it. He might have understood why she was so upset.

“Do you have the same problem?” Donna asked.

Bella shrugged her shoulders. “They treat us differently. It’s kind of hard.”

Donna took a deep breath and sighed. “Come here.”

She opened up her arm for Bella to fit into. The girl went immediately. She always did.

“I will tell you what I told your brother,” Donna started. “I am going to forever be Donna Paulsen; that won’t change because that’s who I was first. But, the day I married your Dad was the day I became Donna Paulsen _Specter_. I was Donna Specter the day you two were born, on your first day of school, at every doctor’s appointment. That’s who I’ve been. And that’s who I will be be way longer than I was just Donna Paulsen." 

Donna tried to make it easier on the kids. Harvey shoved his hands into his pockets, suddenly feeling a sense of pride in his wife and the fact he got his head out of his ass long enough to realize how important she was to him.

“Got it?”

The two of the kids nodded and Ellis deflated a little bit, resting his chin on his clasped hands on the counter surface.

Donna looked to Harvey and gave him a small, tired, smile. He nodded at her with an added wink. They’d talk about it later.

Later came when both kids had excused themselves from the movie and went to bed. Harvey stretched out on the bed next to Donna who was reading a book.

“So, what was the real problem with Ellis today?” Harvey asked.

Donna remained silent for half a second, her eyes reading the last bit of the page she was on before turning it and sticking her marker into the book. She set it aside and let her hands fall into her lap, looking at Harvey.

“He has a crush on a girl,” she told him. “Her parents don’t like me.”

“Because we have money?”

“They all have money, Harvey,” Donna laughed. “No, they don’t like that I’m so influential in the school.”

“And the girl –“

“He tried saying goodbye to her the other day and her parents made a mention about him being _that_ Specter boy.”

“I should take him boxing,” Harvey commented.

“So, he can beat up the parents?”

“No,” Harvey replied immediately. “Well sure, but it’ll help his aggression. And other things.”

Donna slid down into bed and rolled into him, a hand on his chest. “Is that why you went to the ring? To get your aggression out and other things?”

“You know the answer to that,” Harvey replied kissing her.

She pulled away and rolled onto her back, their fingers laced together still.

“What did you tell him?” Harvey asked in the moment of silence.

“That even if I was Donna Paulsen and the kids were ours, they have your last name. It didn’t matter what my name was, I was his mom and being his Mom would always mean being Mrs. Specter.”

“I like that you’re Mrs. Specter,” Harvey admitted.

“I like being Mrs. Specter,” Donna agreed.

It was just a name. Everyone had one.

But it was _theirs_. And it was sweet.

_Just remember in the winter, far beneath the bitter snows lies the seed, that with the sun's love in the spring becomes the rose_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has been reading. 
> 
> I really do appreciate it!


	19. Blackbird/Yesterday - The Beatles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He didn't regret having kids in the slightest- he just was going to regret getting the flu last.

It wasn’t that Harvey regretted having kids. Not in the slightest. He loved his kids. He just didn’t love being so hopeless when they needed the most help. He also wanted to kill Mike for giving Donna the flu.

Donna had come home last week looking pale. She claimed she was fine and then promptly emptied the meals from the day into the toilet. Claiming she was fine, she went back to work, only for Harvey to get a call saying she was going to Ellis’ school and picking him up; he too had gotten the flu. The pair of them spent the next three days in bed.

Now, in the middle of the night, with his colicky Bella, he hoped he didn’t get the flu. Donna was on the mend, her color was coming back, but she was still weak. Food didn’t always stay down and Bella was the next one to get it. Harvey had slipped out of bed at the sound of her whimper and came to find her puking down her front, her face red.

It was no easy task cleaning her up, when being nude was the best idea. She was warm to the touch, but she always was a warm body. She whimpered as Harvey held her, rocked her from foot to food in her bedroom and when that didn’t work, he walked through their home. He was tempted to wake up Donna long enough to tell her that he was going to take Bella for a drive to calm her down, but the crying had stopped.

He held Bella up with one arm, she sat on his forearm, while his palm was splayed against her back. He flipped the record player on, adjusted the volume, and let the music just play. Harvey swayed to the beat playing behind the strings.

“I’m going to get the flu from you, huh?” Harvey asked the baby who was still sniffling.

He could feel the tiny scratches of her nails against his chest; she was curling her fingers into his shirt. Donna had made a mention that she would need her nails clipped soon and Harvey wanted no part in making this child cry.

It was two thirty in the morning and he figured if Bella kept him up much longer, there’d be no point in going back to sleep. He was suddenly grateful for getting the two he had gotten before he woke to hear her sounds.

“Maybe we can give it back to Uncle Mike.” Harvey suggested to the baby. “Get even.”

He felt Bella sigh against his chest. It was a good sign. She was breathing normal again, no more hiccupping for air around her sobs.

She was starting to walk and the girl had a lot of strength in her legs. She loved to bounce along Harvey’s thighs, giggling and laughing at the faces he’d make when she’d do it a certain amount of times. Donna loved having her on the grass of the park, between her legs trying to get her to take a step or two forward. Bella would sink down and just dangle.

Harvey let out a yawn and cursed himself quietly at being tired. He wasn’t allowed to be tired. He had to power through it – being the only healthy person in this house.

“Maybe we can snuggle in with Mommy,” Harvey told the top of Bella’s head.

He could feel the breath evening out, meaning she was falling asleep. Harvey still swayed.

“Mommy is awake,” he heard a voice say from behind him.

Sure enough, Donna was awake. Draped in her black satin robe she loved, that lit her hair on fire. She pulled it closer to her and went to her husband and child. Harvey smiled at her.

She looked better, a lot better actually. “You okay?”

“Fever broke and I puked,” Donna said with a hint of joy in her voice. “I think the puking will stop now.”

“You get to deal with Ellis then,” Harvey jabbed. “I’ve got her.”

“She’s easier to deal with,” Donna pouted. “Baby food and milk. Ellis is whatever you feed him.”

Ellis wasn’t eating much either, but toast, crackers, and some soup that Harvey nearly had to force into him. They weren’t tough on Ellis, not after his stint in the hospital a few years back. They just had to make sure he was hydrated, which he was, since the boy happily drank water.

“Did you check on him?” Harvey asked.

Donna nodded. “He’s really warm.”

“When he gets up I’ll give him more medicine,” Harvey offered. “Give you a break.”

“It’s fine, Harvey,” Donna said with a sigh. “It’s all part of being a parent.”

They had just started talking about _if_ they wanted another kid. It was getting to be the end of the road for her to carry without real worry. The pregnancy with Bella, albeit closely watched, still made the doctor’s nervous. She was healthy all the way around, Donna too, but they had warned Donna that this might be it. Just the two kids if she wanted to carry.

Donna liked the process. It was a conversation she had with Harvey and she was almost girly about it. Blushing about knowing it was her kid and someone she would get to watch grow up. Donna had spent hours on the phone with Rachel and her Mom when she was pregnant with Ellis, terrified she was going to screw it up. Terrified something would go wrong.

All normal reactions the doctor assured her, but in the middle of the night when the baby would kick hard, she’d worry. Or when Ellis didn’t kick she would worry.

With Bella she knew. She knew when anything was wrong and she called the doctor about it.

“How is she?” Donna asked, risking a look at Bella.

The little girl had her forehead shoved into Harvey’s neck, the very same spot Donna would rest her forehead against as they slept.

“Asleep,” Harvey said, tilting his head back enough for Donna to see.

“Glad some of us are,” she laughed. “You okay?”

“Waiting for my turn,” he said honestly. “I would be shocked if I don’t get it.”

“You’re Harvey Specter,” Donna simpered. “You don’t get sick.”

Except for the freshman year of High School when he puked all over his crush’s backpack. Or when the doctor told him he wasn’t going to be able to play baseball because of his shoulder. Every panic attack he had he threw up after. Every second he worried about Donna for whatever reason, he threw up. The first night Ellis was in the hospital he threw up.

It started with Donna – the unbending decision that at whatever cost, he was going to protect her. It then became about Donna and Ellis; he was willing to give up everything for them. Then Bella came along and his life revolved around protecting them, ensuring they were taken care of.

Having another child would make their life busier, but he didn’t think she wanted another. They had a boy and a girl; they were a party of 4 with their life perfectly arranged.

“Let me take her,” Donna offered. “Give your arm a break.”

Harvey let Bella go, tilting her back into Donna’s waiting arms and the girl instantly curled in. Harvey would spend hours watching Donna sway with Bella in her arms as a newborn. Now, she did the same, but Bella’s legs dangled. Her little feet pressed against Donna’s side instead of her stomach.

Donna got better, her energy returning long enough to make sure Ellis and Bella were taken care of. It gave Harvey a break for sure, allowed him to go to the office long enough to get caught up on cases and to bring work home. It amused him that he lasted three whole days before he felt the tingling of dread stirring in his stomach.

He fell into bed on day four, face forward, sweat on his brow. His entire body ached. Donna simply laughed at him.

“Your turn,” she laughed, pressing her palm against his back.

He was that warm that her hand felt cool.

“I hate you,” he groaned, rolling over onto his back.

She pressed his chess and leaned back, the back of her hand coming to rest against his forehead. He could have told her he was warm, his entire body felt like it was on fire.

“You’ll be fine,” she told him, pressing the spot her hand had just been.

He didn’t regret having kids. He loved his kids. He just hated the damn flu.

In his ache and pain of having the flu, just before he dozed off, he heard the familiar tunes in his bedroom; strings and a gentle beat.

It was soothing and curing.

_Blackbird fly, blackbird fly. Into the light of a dark black night_


End file.
